So on the 12th of May I woke up around 2am with sharp pains In my stomach I was 39+5, two days away from my due date but I had no signs that labour was going to start anytime soon, so I wait it out for 10 minuets but in a lot of discomfort so I timed the pains and the first lot were 5 minuets apart then it jumped to two so I thought that can’t be right there’s no way this is labour so I go downstairs to the bathroom and I’m in crippling pain I’m screaming holding onto the sink I’m trying to walk through the pain but I can’t do it, my partner tells me to phone triage they tell me to come In and if I have the urge to push in the car to pull over I say to myself yeah that won’t happen, so we have to wake our two year old son up and take him in with us as we had no one to watch him at half 2 in the morning, we all get in the car I’m screaming with pain trying to compose myself because I have my son in the car but I physically couldn’t deal with the pain, lucky the roads were dead and we made it to the hospital in about 15-20 minuets, so I jump out the car while he parks up and gets the bags out the car, I walk in almost unable to talk the lady comes out and takes me through to a room to get checked, now at this point my water hasn’t broken yet so I’m thinking I’m hours and hours away from having this baby so I give a urine sample and strip off from the waste down and get on the bed my partner is in the reception with our son, the lady checks me over and says” right your fully dilated” my heart stops I start going into full panic mode I’m shaking, I asked for the epidural cos I had it last time and I couldn’t have done it without it, they say no I’m to far gone and I burst out crying begging for the epidural but they keep saying no so they tell me they are taking me to the delivery suit just down the hall so we get into the room and I ask again for the epidural but the lady said by the time I get upstairs and get the epidural and it kicks in I will already have my baby, I’m screaming with each contraction and screaming at the lady that I can’t do it without it I honestly thought I was going to die the pain was unbearable , my partner comes in the room thankfully the nurses at reception sat with our son, he actually came into the room to say he was taking our son home as he thought it would be hours before I had the baby as that’s what happened with our son but he comes in just as my body starts going into to pushing mode I couldn’t control myself I gave one big push and my water broke all over the bed the floor and hit the bed in the other side of me, I grab hold of my partner screaming into his arm I did have gas and air which took the edge of me but not the pain I was screaming through each contraction I couldn’t focus on using the gas but I tried my best so this is roughly 3:30 an we got to the hospital just after 3am I gave a few pushes just going with my body but the midwife tells me to stop pushing I’m furious and my body needs to push I physically can’t help it I accidentally push a couple times as it felt right but she said I had to stop, baby’s head is crowing but I had to let the skin stretch on it’s own so I didn’t tear it must have even no more than 5 minuets but it felt like a lifetime, finally she says I can push and my god I give it all I have, the ring sting is so real my god but I went into superhuman mode i fought through it so her heads out and I take a breather and push again after a couple more pushes our little girl made her way into the world at 3:46 weighing a beautiful 9lb 12oz!! We done a few minuets delayed cord clamping and her dad cut the cord and the placenta was delivered at 4am, I was in so much shock I couldn’t believe how quick it all happened and I was so proud of myself for doing it without the epidural I didn’t ever think I would be able to do that, they let our son come in to meet his baby sister but he wasn’t that interested in her he just wanted to see mummy which was fine we didn’t force him to go near her we let him do it his own pace.

A couple hours after I gave birth I was still loosing quite a bit of blood and passing blood clots they had to grab and squeeze down on the stomach to try push the clots out my god it was traumatic for me and my partner sitting across from me watching this all happen, I started to feel dizzy and sick and they had to hit the emergency button so the room filled with people, I got put on a drip to make up for the blood lost and I had to stay in hospital overnight so they could keep an eye on me but we got home the next day.

Baby grace Marie Murdoch, I am so in love with her

EDIT- thank you all for your kind words, the whole experience was so surreal but I wouldn’t change it for the world, the first few days after labour were the worst as I had real bad pain in my right hip and side so I’ve been doped up on pain meds thankfully the pain has eased now so I’m able to keep up with my two year old 💙💕