I can't, I can't, I can't.

I can't have sex with my husband for two more weeks. I can't get pregnant for at least three more months. I can't be on birth control because of testing we need to do and potential health risks to me (yet I need to be on birth control for hormone issues). I can't hold my baby boy in my arms and bring him home in February like I was supposed to. I can't be in control of my own life. I believe in God and I know I need to trust but I'm so angry right now. I want to be pregnant with my baby boy. I want to be able to have carried him to term. If I can't do that, I want to be able to be with my husband, i don't want to have to wait for a family here on earth. I don't want to hear "you can't!"