Okay so...

I had sex with my ex last night....again 😅. It’s the third time this has happened and neither of us were planning on it happening. We wanted to just talk things out and see each other and I wanted to clear the air.

He says that he doesn’t want to call me a back up plan or option B because he doesn’t think of me that way. But what I understood is Jolene and I are on scales and he’s seeing which of us is meeting what he needs to be his best self. Which sounds absolutely horrendous but when he told me he didn’t like to explain it that way because it made him feel gross I felt better.

But my hopes aren’t high, because Jolene is still the reason he left and he’s pursuing her, but I would like to hope that seeing me and being with me (because I also needed some good dick) knocked some screws loose. Sleeping with your ex is never a good idea, but of all the times this is the one I don’t regret. Maybe because we talked for so long and yes he did talk about her to me but he told me he wants someone who he can talk to about everything in his life.

For example, he used to not talk to me about her because why would he. And Jolene doesn’t understand why he even would talk to me so he doesn’t talk about me to her.

I want to be with him again, not because he’s my normal or he’s what is regular for me, but because I believe we were meant to be together. I’ve thought that since I was a freshman in high school. I also believe that our breakup(almost 6 months) was very necessary. It sucked and was hard but I learned so much from it. I’ve learned what it is I need in this world, and what I want. Am I stupid for wanting him?

I dunno, I just feel like last night was something different. That maybe seeing each other and realizing that we can give each other the best of the best might have done something. But my hopes aren’t too high for that, I believe it when he doesn’t see her anymore.

He also told me that, if we got back together, I wouldn’t have to say what I want to say. I wanted to say he can’t see her anymore, ever. He can’t have any contact with her, and he said that if we were on the same page that shouldn’t be an issue and doesn’t think I would need to say it.

Like I finally feel happy, and I shouldn’t right?

If anyone had any advice for exes/getting back together/ moving on/ anything at all I would love to hear it🥰