So I would be 9 weeks this week; however, I found out Monday (at my first appointment) that it is not a viable pregnancy (molar pregnancy) and that it is a rather complicated non-viable pregnancy. Honestly, I wasn’t really surprised. I’ve never carried a baby to term naturally before (my twins are <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>).

The only reason I had hope that this would be different is because a good friend who supported me through my fertility journey took her life the day before I started feeling pregnant. And I was certain it was a sign from her. I held onto that. It wasn’t really the right time and I was really anxious about being pregnant right now (My husband and I just started in new positions, financially we are tapped at the moment with a new house and childcare, etc). I felt kind of relieved that it wasn’t actually happening.

With that being said I feeling a lot of anger right now mainly toward my friend who’s no longer here to support me through another loss. I’m angry that it is a more complicated non-viable pregnancy that requires a D&C and that it is even a more complicated D&C. I’m angry that because it is a molar pregnancy and there is a very small risk of it turning cancerous that I have to go for blood draws weekly for likely the rest of the year and then some. My betas are over 200,000 and I have to get 3 negative values before I can stop getting tested. I understand the safety. It just sucks.