So it all started when I was 5 days late on my period April 5th, I was so anxious to take a pregnancy test but I did anyway... It came out positive, my boyfriend and I were so excited to be having baby #2 in the making we cried of joy.

My last period was March 1st

I quickly called my doctors office that Monday to set up an appointment, I scheduled the appointment for April 18th at 2:30pm. I was 7 weeks 5 days. They confirmed my pregnancy and due date which was December 6th 2019. And then they drew blood, and scheduled my next appointment for a sonogram. They wanted me to go in the next day at exactly 8 weeks, I couldn’t that day so I scheduled it for May 3rd I would have been 9 weeks exactly

After a LOOONG week of waiting to see baby #2 we FINALLY got to see our precious bean. My ob quickly got the room set up for the sonogram and got me in, she did a vaginal sonogram so she could see the baby clearer. She asked me how many weeks I was at and I told her 9 weeks she asked me if I was sure about the last day of my period and I told her yes. She finally said well the baby is measuring 8 weeks and 1 day but is super healthy and the heart beat is really good so there is nothing to worry about and we will see if we need to change your due date at your next scan. Here is a picture of our bean

After we saw our baby it started to get real, we started planning for the next half of the year until we have the baby along with picking baby names and everything. I was honestly worried about why I wasn’t feeling nauseous or throwing up but I didn’t let myself worry about it to much I just thought that I was going to have an easy pregnancy. I actually bought a couple of things because I was sooo excited..

Now this is where the sadness begins... at 11 weeks 1 day on a Saturday I started getting light brown discharge I honestly thought that it was normal until my man and I had a little fun and I was bleeding pink. I let it go I just thought we went to hard and the cervix is sensitive so I didn’t think of anything. Sunday I was still bleeding I let it go again because I thought I was still recovering from the night before and thought it was just old blood. Monday I woke up with no blood so I wasn’t worried, Tuesday comes around and I was bleeding more then I should have been. I called my doctors office and told them the situation I got on the phone with the nurse and she told me to go to the emergency room if it got worse but if it didn’t go come in on Wednesday to check to make sure baby is okay... it started to get worse and worse so I just went a head and went to the emergency room to see what is going on I just couldn’t wait. They did a sonogram I asked if they saw a baby and they told me they found what they were looking for but couldn’t tell me until doctor looked over the pictures that they wouldn’t show me. I saw her going through the pictures and all I saw was a big black hole in most of them and then I saw the baby I texted my mom and told her the baby looks like an 8 week baby. But they sent me back out to the waiting room and just knew right then what they found wasn’t good at all.

They called me back in to the back to take blood and urine and told me they will let me know ASAP what they heard. So I sat there waiting while feeling myself bleed. Confused tired wondering how this even happened.

The Dr finally brought me in to a room and told me that it was definitely a threatened miscarriage but they never told me what happened. I went back out and waited to get discharged. The nurse that discharged me brought me back in to the room and told me to make an appointment earlier then my next to make sure baby was okay. I was so confused when she said that I was like I thought I was having an active miscarriage right now she jumped and gasped and was like what! Let me check something hold on, she went to the description and told me the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and 1 day with NO heartbeat, why did the Dr not tell me this he just told me it was an active miscarriage, I would have went home and wondered what went wrong and how it happened. By the time I got home it was 3am and I was tired and just upset with myself and went to sleep. The next day I didn’t call my doctor because I just couldn’t believe what happened and I didn’t want to believe what happened. I finally called today.

So here it is Thursday May 23rd... I would have been 12 weeks tomorrow entering my second trimester not having to worry about anything being in the safe zone. But instead I am bleeding having blood clots trying to pass the baby while mourning over my loss. Wondering when I’m going to be able to try again for my next baby and if this will ever happen again. My baby will forever be 8 weeks and 1 day, and I am so upset that god had other plans for the baby... but I will be okay I will never get over it but eventually I will be okay. Remembering baby #2 this is exactly how I want to remember them👼🏻💜