Talking to exes?

Question

Hey y’all, I’m still fairly new to the app I forget that i have it sometimes and am not as active as I should be 😅
I could really use some outside perspective. My boyfriend and I have been talking for a year, started dating in March, and moved in together about 2 weeks ago. Up until recently he’s been talking to his ex girlfriend on a semi regular basis, giving updates and catching up. Ever since I found out they still talked, it’s kind of left me feeling a little uneasy. I communicated this to him, and mentioned that I don’t see the point in updating an ex on life (they weren’t friends beforehand). [Little background: he’s in the Air Force and dated this girl while he was deployed in Japan.] A couple months ago, I also found out she had asked for Burt’s Bee products (I guess they aren’t available in Japan?) and he purchased over $200 worth of stuff just for her (not including shipping from the US to Japan. I know he’s moved on, but am I in the wrong to feel uneasy about them talking? He showed me messages between them last night and she mentioned still liking/loving/missing him, after almost 2 years since she broke up with him and he moved back to the US.
Sorry this is so long, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about these things.

Answer

NO YOU ARE NOT WRONG FOR FEELING THAT WAY!!! I am in a similar situation, but I’ve been with my husband total 8 years and he’s been talking to his ex on and off for a few years and hid it from me! I only found out cuz she emailed me at my work to tell me! He says he won’t talk to her again and whatnot... but that trust is now broken so I’m just trying to cope. I don’t have any advice for you at the moment cuz this is pretty recent... but just watch your back, if you think something is suspicious then dig a little deeper... don’t be caught off guard like I was. This is a shitty feeling. Good luck, hope it works out the way you want it. In my personal opinion, ex’s are ex’s for a reason and shouldn’t be spoken to if you’re in a relationship. Get rid of them! I’ve never heard of anyone talking to ex’s after a breakup... I have never done that. I havent spoken to any of my ex’s in years.

Answer

So, I’m still friends with an ex of mine and my SO is friends with his ex before me.  I really like her and I’m totally comfortable with those two getting coffee, being friends, etc.  We’ve even watched her cats while she goes out of town.  So, I’m totally cool with the exes being friends thing.  HOWEVER, that only works if neither one of you is at ALL interested in anything else.  If my ex was talking about missing me, still loving me, etc, I’d have to end that friendship out of respect for my partner and vice versa.

Answer

Sounds like he’s having an emotional relationship with her still and has NOT moved on.

Answer

Yeah I dont thats right. I would just tell him that your uncomfortable of him talking to his ex. If he moved on why is he still in contacting her or ordering stuff online for her when she can do it on her own?... She and he are not showing any respect for you and your relationship?... I would really sit down and talk to him. Tell him you moved in with him and you did all of this for him and he wants to make this work?
He should not even try to contact his ex, you guys are not married but still have the respect for you and your guys relationship. Not saying to leave him but give your self a chance but if he continues? Then call it quits?
Hoping he wont continue but he should learn. They both need to move on and get over the past because hes dragging you the past with him which that doesnt work?
The future is the key 🔑 
And he's in the air force he should have more respect for you also. My husband is in the air force as well lol. 
But I think you both need to sit down and talk what's right and whats wrong, what can you do to do things better just talk it out :) 
Idk if this helps :)

Answer

My husband had lots of friends that were girls when we were young teenagers and he dated some of them in between our dating, but once we grew up and decided we wanted to spend forever together, he dropped every single one. He said there wasn’t a point or future with them.

Answer

I appreciate everyone’s responses. My boyfriend is on the autistic spectrum and so he doesn’t seem or feel the emotions someone else might, I’m not trying to justify anyone’s actions just thought I should have clarified that earlier. 
From the messages I saw, it seemed like she was the one that was trying to flirt. There was a particular message she sent that really threw me for a loop though. She had mentioned missing him and would love to have him stay over if he visited Japan, but “couldn’t do that to her boyfriend.” But, if she really cared about her boyfriend..why mention it? 
He sees things very black and white, he doesn’t see anything wrong with talking to her because they had left off on friendly terms. Had they been good friends prior to the relationship and actually had background that didn’t include them dating, I wouldn’t have a problem. As far as I know, she doesn’t even know I exist or that he had someone new in his life. That’s hurtful to me. 
I just don’t know how to explain this and how I’m feeling to him without completely breaking down. I tried explaining it to him last night and I felt like a blubbering idiot because I started crying.

Answer

If you’re uncomfortable with it then he needs to cut ties out of respect for you. She obviously still has feelings for him and he shouldn’t string her along by keeping in contact. To be totally honest, he probably likes that she still wants him and he may be keeping her on the back burner. I kept in contact with a lot of my exes before my husband and I got engaged, but I ended those relationships because I don’t think there’s any place for exes in a marriage. There’s a certain lack of commitment when you’re just “dating,” but living together implies a future and it’s time for him to let go of his past.

Talking to exes?

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