So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over 3 years, I’ve dealt with anxiety for years already. My biggest fear are my panic attacks. Thinking about them or the “what if I have one” automatically sets off my anxiety. Well I got pregnant and everything was going good, at this point we still didn’t live together, one night he was going to try moving in & I got like 4 panic attacks. I gag when I get them & it was bad to the point where I couldn’t control them, I panicked even more & he was sleeping so I just asked him to leave. What set them that day was that I didn’t know at first my sugar dropped & caused me to start having anxiety which led to panic attacks. Now we’ve tried moving in together again but the thought of having a panic attack infront of him makes me so anxious. Like I know I panic in my head before events even happen & I set myself off. The main reason being is that since my panic attacks turn out as gagging, I’m afraid to puke infront of him & gross him out, like I know to some people is like “wtf” but it has always been a big deal for me. It’s uncomfortable even around my own family, I got one also over pregnancy infront of my mom cause we were in the car so I had no place to go & seeing her being supportive made me build that comfort. Maybe I have to go through one infront of my bf to have that comfort with him but they suck so bad I’d rather avoid it. It wasn’t like this before getting pregnant, if i was feeling anxious about going to an event I’ll ask him if we could stay in instead & he was & has always been supportive & patient and i was able to manage my anxiety more. The type of anxiety i get now from pregnancy is so different from the one i could manage, I didn’t know you could get anxious if you went a little without snacking or so. My anxiety rushed & i had to eat something asap & try to control myself to not have a panic episode. I guess i set my brain off to that, that even if I was alone I could start feeling the tension in my throat wanting to have a panic attack over literally nothing because I would be alone in my room. I just wish I could step out of my head & be “normal”... it’s so depressing... I’m conscious that as a life partner he’s going to eventually witness them, or even see me puke or hear me but my brain can’t capture that & see it “normal”. I tried counseling & they never diagnosed me right so i try to do self help books mostly but it’s difficult. I know it’s all about the way I think, if I switch it to the reality & know he loves me & has been the most patient person ever I know I’ll feel safe around him, but instead I think the worst & panic...