Embracing Masturbation as a sort of Mormon

Are there any religious or sort of Mormons that masturbate? I’ve recently come to terms that I need masturbation in my life, to relieve stress and fall asleep. It’s self-care and therapy for me. Also, I am horny a lot of the time and need the release.

Still, it’s hard for me to not feel guilt. A lot of days, I stay in bed for 1-2 hours, masturbate, feeling good and then think about lost time. I could have done something more productive. I’ve been taught that bodies are a temple of God and I’ve felt guilt for not being worthy of holding a temple recommend. I’ve broken the law of chastity with my first boyfriend (not Mormon). We’re in a long distance relationship and we’ve done it before, but I feel guilt and embarrassed to ask for phone sex. I’ve thought about repenting, but I don’t think I want to stop. I don’t think I could ever feel comfortable with confessing my sins to a bishop.

I still feel like spirituality is really important to me. I want to make peace with God and my decisions, but it all feels hard. I really like masturbating.

Anyone else out there?