For a few weeks now, I’ve been feeling weird. Out of place. I’d be fine one minute and all of a sudden I’d just have this overwhelming sense of guilt. I haven’t done anything wrong to feel that way, I’d just be watching tv then feel gross and uncomfortable out of no where. I don’t want to eat or sleep or be awake or move or anything when I feel like this. I just want it to stop and I start to get frustrated every time.

I dealt with this in high school, but when I went on birth control a few years ago, all those feelings had stopped. Now that I’m pregnant, it all came back at around 23 weeks, maybe?

I hate my body and how big it’s gotten. I hate wearing clothes that show my belly. I hate that people look at me. I hate the nausea and heartburn and how I can’t eat half the food I crave. I hate everything about being pregnant. I feel like shit bc I know there’s so many people out there that would give anything to be in my shoes. But I’m terrified to have this baby....while my husband loves everything about this.

I don’t know how to talk to my husband about it. I just feel like he won’t understand and he’ll start to stress out more. I know I should but we’ve been doing good and haven’t had anything negative going on between us in the past two-three months (which were just the usual normal fights most couples get into). He’s going on underway again soon and I don’t want it to be harder on him. We’ve been pretty good and happy together regardless. I just pretend I don’t feel the sadness or whatever when he’s around and read or something to distract myself (which usually helps).

I also don’t feel too much of a bond with my baby. I know I’ll love her when she’s here, but right now I don’t feel anything. I feel terrible too bc I know that if something were to happen to her, I’d be more miserable for feeling this way and not having her, but in the moment I just don’t know what to feel for her. She’s just there.

I don’t know what to do about this. I know with the whole bonding thing, that I’ll just have to wait for the most part, but I don’t know what to do about the depression. It makes me feel sick and tired all the time. Has anyone else dealt with this? I don’t know who to talk to and I don’t know if it’s even worth bringing up to medical, bc I’m tired of being told to just find something to work through it bc I’ve been trying so hard. It’s like being able to do anything to distract myself is so limited now with the pregnancy.

Im sorry if I offend anyone...I’m just trying to look for help, not backlash...