Am i weird?

Marissa • ✨ Mom of 3 🎀

So I'm currently pregnant with my second child. My daughter is only 9 months old, and I'm 17 weeks.

However, I don't know why but for some reason I have fears of labor/delivery all over again!!!

Back (labor) story:

So when I went into labor with my daughter, It was because my placenta tore and I was bleeding a decent amount. So when I got to the hospital my contractions were less than 2 minutes apart, and I was 70% effaced, however I was only 1cm dilated!!

I had to be induced asap but not once, but TWICE because I wasn't progressing enough the first. Not only that but when I got the epidural the catheter was messed up so I got poked TWICE and even got the epidural TWICE because it was wearing off well before I delivered. I had to push for 4 hours in multiple different positions and after she finally came, I was clotting severely and lost 8 units of blood and that was after they started weighing and keeping track of my clots.. They were huge. My recovery was very difficult..

So anyways, I don't have babysitter so my fiancé and my daughter will have to be there with me when I deliver this baby. I am so scared!!!

It was only 15 hours and a 2 day hospital stay, but now that I'm gonna have a toddler AND a newborn if my recovery doesn't go smooth this is gonna be really REALLY hard. With my daughter, my fiancé mostly took care of her the first week because it was so hard on me!! But with his strict job now, limited time off, and a whole other child I'll be getting very little help and I am so scared!!! I'm so nervous this time because I really just want it to go better than my first but it's so nerve wrecking not knowing. I'm so nervous.

Does anyone else have these fears based on your first delivery?