So my boyfriend and I are both 19. We’ve been dating for six months and the weed has always been a constant back and forth struggle between us.

I grew up around addiction. My mother is addicted to prescription medication (very heavily) and alcohol. My aunt was addicted to any kind of drug she could get. My biological father left me as a baby because he chose drugs. Needless to say I have a huge problem with drugs.

Now I do NOT have any problem with people who smoke weed. I know it isn’t the same and wouldn’t judge anyone for it, I just don’t want it around me. Partially because I know I myself have an addictive personality and I don’t like the idea of feeling emotionally numb to overcome my problems. I don’t like the idea of relying on any sort of drug.

At first he was smoking average 10+ times a day. He slowed down to once or twice a day and I decided I could compromise with that. Then, I caught him in lies continuously over the course of six months. Like, constant lies. This created a huge mistrust and the source of most of our problems. Now, between the mixture of distrust and the smoking, I just couldn’t deal with it. I told him I had to let him go, that I just couldn’t deal with the smoking anymore. He decided he would quit smoking.

Fast forward, he couldn’t quit. He lied to me about smoking over and over again despite the fact that I told him we could figure something out like adults if he just TOLD me and was honest with me.

Fast forward AGAIN to the present. The lies have seemingly stopped. We came to an agreement he would be able to smoke once a week with his friends (his idea). But because of the trust and previous lies on the matter, anytime he goes out with his friends I worry that he’s smoking more than that and lying about it. I’ve told him it that him slipping up and smoking more wouldn’t be a problem as long as he was honest with me about it. I don’t know if he’s lied about smoking or not but I cant stop worrying every time he hangs out with his friends that he’s smoking and lying to me about it. His friends will smoke around him and him and I have talked before about how he has a hard time saying no to people. The worrying from my end and lack of trust has become a big problem for both of us. Should I just deal with the smoking? What about worrying about the lying? Should he be able to choose me over weed? No answers are wrong, I genuinely want an outside opinion.