Is it possible to treat your step kids the same way you'd treat your own?

Question

I'm pregnant with my first baby, and I have a stepdaughter. I just get so frustrated with her lying! Her lies go right over her dads head, but I can sniff out a lie pretty easily. He is just oblivious (bless his heart). I want to point it out, but always feel like I'm going to come off as "picking on her".

Background: she is 12 years old. Her mom lives out of state and sucks as a parent. My husband was a single father for a while. She hasn't seen her mother in about two years, plus she rarely calls. I don't want to treat her like she is fragile, but I also know it could be a fragile situation at some point.

Answer

My step father always treated me like his daughter when I was a child. He now has two children of his own (my baby sister and brother who are 14 and 15 years younger than me) and he still treats me and loves me like his own daughter.

Answer

My father is a freeloader and a complete moron. My stepfather stepped up to the plate and helped raise 4 kids who were even his when he married my mom. He's gone to all the concerts, all the marching band shows, all the sports. He is more of a father than my actual father. I completely disagree with women saying he needs to be your friend and not act like a real dad. "Leave it to the biological dad". Absolutely not! This man gets on my nerves but he is always there.

Answer

Guess it depends on your willingness and openness to the child. 
My stepmom reminded me time and time again that I wasn't her child - even though my own mother abandoned me as an infant and my stepmom married my father te day after my 3rd birthday. It wasn't always by directly saying "I'm not your mom" it was by making comments to others that I overheard, treating my younger sisters (her children with my father) in a much different manner - even the manner and tone she spoke to them with was different, it was by the lack of interest in my life and making me feel like an in unwelcomed outsider.

That being said my husband is a stepfather to my 9&3 year old sons, my 9yr old watched his father walk out of his life when he was 6 1/2 and while that might seem trivial he had to be placed on suicide watch for several months because of the emotional and mental struggle and pain this caused him. My husband and I became friends several months later an from the start he treated my son better than any man ever had, they spend time together doing these one or the other loves as they have no similar interests, they talk to one another, they work out their problems, my husband introduces my son "this is MY boy", we have been together 2 yrs and married for a little over a year, my oldest son started calling his Dad over this past summer and all he wants is his dad (my husbands) approval in all he does.

So I guess what I'm saying is YES you can love your children the same - but it's a choice you have to make and actions you have to take.

Answer

When I think of my relationship with my stepmother the movie Cinderella comes to mind. That's how I was treated so no, I don't believe I can be treated the same as she treats her own kids.

Answer

Bonding makes a big difference in a relationship. So, your step step daughter and yourself vs. New baby and yourself will have different dynamics. 
When you birth a child you get hormone releases that build that bond. When its not your own it is harder work to build that relationship.

Answer

My step daughter is 5 she is my princess. I fell in love with her before I did my husband. (I used to be her nanny). I have 2 boys and we are all a big happy family. I think it's possible to treat them and love them equally.

Answer

I have 3 stepkids. Ages 8, 11, and 14. Ever since I first started being around them our relationship was pretty good. They knew not to disrespect me and they knew that things were going to be different.  But we all adapted as time passed. At the time they were, 4,7, and 9. Of course you can imagine how things have changed. I did grow to love them and i know they love me. I can't say I completely love them unconditionally yet but I do love them. I think it's even harder for me to overcome the fact that I have no biological children yet and I'm taking care of them as my own. At this point the oldest one is 14 and female. And her attitude is at that point where I don't want to even conversate with her sometimes. It's hard being a step parent and trying so hard to make things work and sometimes it seems like it's just thrown in your face. I am 7 weeks pregnant tomorrow 3rd pregnancy 0 live births and I can't help but think about how things are going to go once the baby is born. Especially with the first they were a lot younger and with my last pregnancy things were a little different and the 2 youngest had no idea.

Answer

It is possible to treat all kids the same. I always have

Answer

Think I voted wrong what I meant was its possible to treat them the same. I have a2 children and my .bf has 1 we are currently pregnant w our first baby together. We treat all 3 boys the same and claim all 3 if then as ours

Answer

It is very possible to treat them the same! The love and connection you feel with your baby vs. step child is different though, honestly speaking. I discipline both my son and step daughter the same & hold both accountable for their behavior. With her being 11 and him being 4 my expectation are different; but they are treated fairly and equally ☺️

As for the people saying that step moms can only be a friend & not discipline their step child: that is ridiculous! A step parent is a parent and should be fully able to discipline their step child. If they are unable to do so, it will cause so many issues with respect and even resentment from birth children. If you live under my roof, you will follow the same rules as everyone else in the home.

Is it possible to treat your step kids the same way you'd treat your own?

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