I’m recently married in March this year. We have been together over 4 years. We have no kids.

I had just had a nice long weekend with my husband where he had been more attentive, more loving, more kind than ever. I was so happy waking yesterday.

Then yesterday he left his phone at home when he went to work. I know all his passcodes (as he has always been open about them 🤦🏽‍♀️) so I went to message one of his work mates off his phone to let him know I’d drop it into him on my way to my work.

First I found a message that he had organised and gone to see a prostitute last Thursday while I worked late. Then I see that he had been messaging multiple prostitutes asking when they were free. I found that he had met with one about a week before the wedding and another one right at the start of the year.

After seeing the messages I was broken. Why had he married me? I trashed the house. When I calmed down some I went through the rest of his phone. There were photos going back 2 years of what I thought was porn or downloaded videos and photos. Not just of girls but of guys, trans, etc... I wouldn’t say he is homophobic but he was definitely bought up with a dad who is very much against it, and therefore he has never been someone who thinks of it as normal.

After going through the photos I then discovered a ‘vault’ on his phone (same passcode as normal) and discovered hundreds of screenshots of convos with people, girls and guys, screenshots of payments he had made for the conversations, photos and videos of himself naked and masturbating and more photos and videos that I then realised were from other these other people not just downloaded porn.

I went to his work and asked him to come home because I needed to talk. He came home. He said that after meeting with the girl on Thursday he had ‘realised’ that he couldn’t carry on like this, so had decided to stop and concentrate on us... in one respect there were truly completely no messages or photos after Thursday but I just don’t know how to believe him. He has said that he is sorry and that he wants to do anything to fix this but understands that I have to do what’s best for me 🤦🏽‍♀️ ... he said that it started with him being curious about guys and trans but that he hated himself for even being curious. He said he’s not gay but that he organised the girl prostitutes because he felt bad wanting them to also be guys so he could figure out why he was thinking about them, but could never face meeting a guy. After me losing it a bit and just crying and crying it all just spilled out of his mouth like he couldnt stop saying it all. I didn’t want to hear it but I guess you need to?

Eventually he helped me delete everything and delete all his accounts, including all social media. Not deactivated, fully deleted. He hooked up all the find my iPhone and find friends stuff so I can see by his phone and watch where he is and then he also said I can have his phone with me for as long as I want so he left it with me when he went to work this morning. He tidied all the mess I made and spent the entire night just sitting next to me wherever I moved too crying and lost. The only time he left was for an appointment he went to with his dad to put down their family 14year old dog that had been pre-organised last Thursday of course.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, i never thought I’d be this person on here. I have no idea what to do. If I wasn’t married I would probably be more inclined to straight off leave. Has anyone stayed with anyone after something like this? Any advice would be beyond appreciated.

ADDED:

In our initial conversation he has proposed marriage counselling, and normal counselling. He has said that he will go to both and pay for it all. He has said he will give me total control of all finances, his phone, computer, everything.

I repeat, this is a marriage and I am legally bound to this man. I love him. I have no idea whether I can try at all to carry on. I do believe counselling is a non negotiable must do, without any doubt.

At the moment this is very fresh and very painful. Thank you ladies for all your words so far.