Am I crazy?

Question

Ladies my soon to be husband has been lying to me again about him dipping. We have had issues in the past with this and I told him it’s best to just tell me when it happens rather then hiding it from me and I find out later on. He says he did it because he’s stressed and I understand he is but why not just come to me? We only have 59 days left to our wedding and lot of money has been spent. I’ve told him I’d rather he just tell me about it then hiding it. What should I do? I’ve talked to him and he says it won’t happen but I hear that every time it happens.....help....😞

Answer

Of course you’re not crazy. But it’s a pretty foundational issue that needs correcting BEFORE you get married. Lying and hiding shouldn’t be behavior that’s swept away like it was never there. No matter how insignificant the activity. If we keep getting away with sneaking around or avoiding conversations, it’s going to lead to bigger disconnections when the stress levels increase. I’d focus on talking to him again, not about dipping but about recognizing his need for a coping mechanism and offering better alternatives.

Answer

Oh my god I feel you so much. My boyfriend said he wouldn’t smoke weed anymore multiple times, after PROMISING he wouldn’t. I take promises very seriously as I’ve been lied to in the past a lot. So we finally agreed he could keep smoking so he would stop cigarettes. I caught him smoking one so I went crazy and threw all his weed shit (bongs lighters weed) in a creek. I feel like it’s disrespectful to our unborn child and to me. We have better things to be doing than fucking smoke weed and spend money on that type of shit! I have a hard time because men think we’re “controlling them”. What I’m trying to see if it works is saying “I don’t want to control you or make you do anything. I want you to respect when something makes me emotional or upset and reconsider your actions before you do it. If you know it hurts me and still do it, it makes me feel like you don’t care about me”. We’ll see how it goes after I told him that yesterday 🙄🙃

Answer

Does he want to quit or are you making him?

Answer

That depends on what you want out of it.
Do you want him to tell you “I’m not quitting”, do you want him to tell you when he slips up or do you want him to stop altogether?
My husband smoked when we met, quit because I didn’t like it, started again a year later (with me, whoops. Stupid teenager) and then quit again. He slipped up before we got married and he was hiding it from me! I made it very clear that I was not okay with him smoking. I thought it was disgusting and I didn’t want to be around him afterward 💁🏼‍♀️
So he had to decide if he wanted to continue smoking and throw our relationship down the toilet, or stop because my happiness was more important to him! He chose me and hates cigarettes now 😆 He’s been away from them long enough that they gross him out. 
The key thing here is COMMUNICATION!! Talk openly with him about your feelings and ask him to do the same.

Answer

I can go ahead and tell you now that this is a battle you will not win. My husband has been dipping the entire time we’ve been together (10 years, 7 dating & 3 married) and I used to ask him to quit all the time. This is something he is going to have to want to do for himself. He’s probably lying about it because of your reaction of catching him in the past or because of your general attitude towards dipping. I don’t think he’s doing it to be malicious but it’s hard to break that habit and won’t be an easy process. Be understanding with him and let him know that you support him and be understanding when he slips up...and he will slip up.

Answer

It’s just dip. Not that big of a deal. At least it’s just that and not something else.

Answer

At least it’s just dipping...it could be a lot worse.

Am I crazy?

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