Hey yall, never posted here before but figured it's a good place... may be a bit long but here it goes...

My husband and I have been married almost a year and together going on 4yrs. Kids and a family of my own have ALWAYS, and I mean literally as far back as I can remember, been a huge hope and aspiration of mine. I've had names picked out since freshman year of high school, ttc with my ex-fiance, gotten my hopes up many times on what some would call pregnancy "scares", the whole 9 yards... everything...

My husband, while not against kids and wants them "eventually", definitely doesn't have the same yearning and push to get pregnant and start our own family. He says it's that we're not home owners, that we need better jobs, and so on. While I can see his point and think it's reasonable, I am having the hardest time accepting this and waiting as I'm approaching my 27th bday... I know it's not old by any means but here is why..

For almost half my life I struggled with various eating disorders and while I have been in recovery for over 5 years and I'm considered healthy, I still greatly, greatly fear that I did so much damage to my body that my chances of conceiving are already slim to none, and I just feel like I'm getting older and to a place where if we dont try now (soon) that my clock will be up and there will be absolutely no hope... its devastating to even fathom that something I've wanted all my life may not be possible.

Maybe this is just suspicion and isn't actually true, but I'm so scared it is and my husband and health care providers try to assure my differently... it just makes me feel crazy that they doubt it's the case.. it makes me sad that I feel like I have no way of convincing my husband that we CAN actually start this whole journey sooner than he thinks..

I know this has been long and I appreciate any of you who read this... any advice would be so helpful, even just as support. Thank you 🖤

I don't think he loves me

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