I swear

I'm gunna to become a POAS addict. I haven't even hit ovulation I think. But I'm just worried that I'm going to miss it and it will be too late. My mom didn't have a problem conceiving yeah she had her fair amount of miscarriages but she had healthy 9 babies (counting me). I just want to have any many babies as God will allow me to have in my short time as a mother but I'm afraid I'm going to miss it if I don't start POAS as soon as ovulation is done. I don't feel sad when the test comes back negative u feel sad when I do get pregnant and it's actually too late. I miscarry in November and if only I got over my stupid pride and POAS I would of been able to do something... I'm sorry Im morbid but I rather see that test negative then not knowing....