Hi,

My name is ******** and I have struggled with bulimia for the last 5 months.

It all started because I wanted to look like my friends, who were skinny, thin and just down right perfect. And I was....fat. But you see I'm not really fat, I just think no, 'know' I am. I heard about anorexia, bit I loved food too much to stop eating, so i came to bulimia because it gave the best of both worlds, i could eat and still lose weight. I wasn't even binging I would just throw up my meals.

I was so happy. I have lost 8 almost 9 kilos. For once I started seeing myself as somewhere near what everyone else looked like.

But then I started choking in the middle of the night, and I had a terrible cough, I would wake up not being able to breathe for a minute. Now that doent seem like a long time, but when you've just been awoken and you're still dazed its truly horrible and scary. From the acid. So I stopped. And it's hard, really hard.

Within the first 2 days I gained back 2 kilos, of water but i convince old myself it was fat. I've been going to therapy. I've stopped the physical parts if the illness, but I am really struggling with the mental side. I haven't stepped on a set of scales for about a month now, but I'm now terrified of them.

I hate myself. I look in the mirror and cry. I believe that I am fat, ugly and disgusting and that the world would be better without my huge body in it. Well therapy ain't working is it!

There are thousands of people out there who are going though the same thing as me, and it is so, so painful, it really is, and you can't give pain killer for a mental illness. Please, I hope this raises awareness. It is real.

Xx