Okay so this is gonna a be long so bear with me please I dont know where else to ask for advice on this shit. My husband and I have been married for 3 and a half years, we have 2 kids together. I'm 21 and he is 23. For the first 2 years of our marriage we were monogamous, not because of me but my husband didnt like the idea of me sleeping with or dating soemone else. About a year and a half ago a couple or our friends wanted to fool around, hubby said it could be fun and he was down. That opened a WHOLE new world in our marriage. We are now living a polyamorous marriage. Neither of us are dating anyone else currently but we are both sleeping with someone else. The guy I've been sleeping with I have a huge crush on, let's call him J. J knows this very much. He has not come right out and said he does or does not feel the same way but he has said he isnt n a good mental place to date anyone right now. Everyone around us says from the way he acts that he definitely has feelings and that they all think me being married is what's stopping him. Hes also 21 so still young. Weve been sleeping with each other for like 2 months or so now. I'm gonna start off with the positive stuff first. We always cuddle. I'll be sitting on the couch and he will come sit with me and curl up in my lap and cuddle and I'll give him head pets. Hes ALWAYS wanting head pets, like all the time. We have really deep meaningful conversations all the time. Hes super sweet, hes super funny, he and I are into a lot of the same stuff. He tells me things hes never told anyone else and he super confindes in me. We sleep together quite often and when we fuck he likes to leave marks on me and is super proud of them all the time. He loves seeing the marks he leaves on me afterwords. We cuddle all the time. He sometimes sleeps in bed with us, we have a cali king so our bed is huge, and he cuddles me all night when he does. He will totally get lost in conversation with me and forget other people are even around. There's been so many times where he has almost kissed me but then people around started making jokes about it and he wouldnt. Hes there for me when I'm upset n will always try and calm me down. I recently went out to the bar and ended up getting drugged and when I got home J just kept asking if I was okay and let me sleep on his chest for an hour and didnt move at all just so I would be comfortable. The other night we were drawing on each other with lipstick and he wrote "I ❤ U" on my forehead and today we were talking and I was joking and said he was an asshole and he said "yeah but you love me". There's so much more but I can't think of it all right now. But let's say the bad which honestly there isn't much of. He has told a friend of ours that "dating a girl with kids is super hard" and then looked at me. When I got drugged at the bar I was a bitch n asked him if I wasnt good enough and if there was ever a chance and he said "nah I'm not in a good mental place to date right now" he recently told me that a friend of ours is bat shit crazy for liking a dude she knows she has no chance with. I sent him a hoe meme the other day and he didnt say anything just sent it to his "work wife" and that's really is for the bad stuff. What do yall think of what's going on. Do yall think I ever have a chance or am i just grasping at thin air