I need advice . So my boyfriend has cheated on me so many times past 5 years. He’s abusive and so am I he made me this way I know I’m toxic now. Anyways. So he’s cheated on me with a guy before all through out relationship get his dick sucked by a tranny for a gram of weed . I always called him gay and said it’s okay to come out closet but he’s a controlling and scary angry person so he snaps everytime? Do you think he’s secretly gay? But to afraid to come out his whole family is against gays. Also. September 2018 . My boyfriend came inside me on purpose forcefully I freaked out . I ran across street to my neighbor she knew me and him had problems so she said if I ever needed her to come over no matter what time. She’s 9 years older than me. I ran over me and him were already broken up but he doesn’t see it that way it’s what he wants so I was pretending and I fuck him because he wants it not me and he gets angry if I don’t. The day before this me and that girl were driving around in my car. We connected on EVERY LEVEL POSSIBLE. To favorite color to every little detail it was the same and the connection we had was insane. Mind you me and him broke up already. Out of no where we kiss. I wasn’t really interested in women. But with her my life was complete I feel like I could breathe around her . I felt whole. So I went home pretended my normal life because he’s crazy . Then that’s when he came inside me that night. I ran to her house after cleaning out my vagina hoping he didn’t get me pregnant because I was ovulating I was crying . Freaking out . And she held me . Then we started making out it was hot our hair was everywhere kissing all down each other. I came over in my short robe with no cloths on under it . Not thinking this would happen. I always walk my neighborhood in my robs . All of a sudden she went down on me and said it was all about me and not to worry about her. She ate me out. Then she got on top and started fucking on me. I went home took a shower . He woke up he got in shower. While he was in there I tried to run away but he caught me running towards her ally in back yard but in reality I was just going to her house anyways to stay but he stopped me and said at least stay here but that’s where I was going anyways. I stayed there a month . She has a 9 years old daughter also. Her daughter loves me and I love both of them still❤️😭 I left because her actual girlfriend was in jail she was about to get out a week after I left. So I knew I couldn’t stay but she didn’t care but I just couldn’t she tried to break up with her girl friend but her girl said no. That she wasn’t gonna leave her in there. I knew it wouldn’t be good if her girl seen me there. I fucked her one last time and left . Another reason I left was because she was becoming distant and I was worried I was fucking it up. I was scared I hadn’t really been in a real relationship but this 5 year one. He would be there everyday and she would have to see it but I didn’t want him there and I knew it hurt her But my man he would stalk us all the time. Everyday . She did want more kids tho I told her she can fuck whoever to have another child anything for her I’d do. Time went on and recently we got in argument and I told him about her . He called her she confirmed I was scared because he would always say you cheat I kill you. This all sucks because I don’t even like dick anymore like that you know it’s all fun but I love pleasing how I can please her so good . I can please a man good to but the way it feels is so different and so much better when I finally went down on her second time I made her cum 5 times with just head my first try. She bragged about it to everyone haha we almost got caught because she bragged to much . It was so fun while it lasted and I miss her but she’s back with her abusive baby daddy she lost a kid with not her daughters baby daddy. I wish I could have did things different. She hates when I check up on her but I just wanna make sure she’s okay and I wish she wouldn’t do heroin but after I left she got bad again. I wish I could be me . I love that woman. I don’t want a man. I want a female that I can love forever.