Pregnant and relapse of bulimia

I have no where else to go. I have been crying all night and every day.. I have a long story but to keep it short.. I was in remission from bulimia and anorexia for over 9 years. I have done excellent. I came off all my medication when I found out I was pregnant. I am currently almost 12 weeks along. I have literally been binge/purging since I found out. I am literally in utter shock that this came out of me again. I was so healthy with my now 7 year old. I am scared to death. This baby was not planned and the dad and I, are currently not on speaking terms. I want to stop this stupid cycle, because A. I don't want to loose the baby and B. I don't want to die. I have literally told absolutely no one about this. Not even my OB. Which I have a follow up appointment June 19th. I am asking for help, please don't bash me. I already know it's wrong and selfish.. I have been justifying my madness with morning sickness, but I know it isn't. It's pre-meditated. I'm also going on 10 months of sobriety aswell. My life is a shit show right now. I just want to be myself again. Healthy. Happy. I'm neither right now.