well i’ll start here . hi , i’m jadah . i’m 17 . last year i was bullied by these 2 girls i was friends w since middle school . I’ve always had friends since i even started going to school , so i’ve never really been lonely or never had friends or anyone to go to . ever since i was friends with those girls i never felt alone , of course i didn’t talk to them 24/7 even after got home from school but we went to the same school so when we got home we didn’t text all hours of the day but if i felt lonely or sad or depressed or bored at any point i could text them or call them right away & they would come thru . i currently don’t have that anymore . i don’t have any friends , i know who ever chooses to read this will think i’m over exaggerating because it’s really common for people to say they don’t have friends but really do but i really mean it . i have one friend . ONE . & he moved out of my state a couple months ago . we still talk every day & he’s the only person who’s there for me . i can’t even begin to explain it . i have a cousin who is a year younger than me & we’ve been close since we were babies but lately we’ve been growing apart from each other , i go over her house almost every weekend ONLY to keep myself occupied & to not be lonely but in reality i’m kind of mad at her , i post on my snapchat private story ALLLLLL the time about how it depressed or sad or can’t do life anymore & she doesn’t say a single thing . she has NEVER slid up & asked me was i okay , or told me everything was going to be fine & when i go to her house she doesn’t ask or anything either & she definitely knows i’m going thru stuff . this past february my health issues started & it went from me having terrible mirgrains to feeling unbalanced for half of february & the whole month of march , then lead to me feeling like my heart wasn’t beating right , i was then put on a heart monitor , my results was fine & they told me it was just my anxiety , i then proceeded to get a procedure scheduled for my stomach because i’ve been dealing w stomach issues for 5 years . Not to mention this is my first year or first time EVER in life dealing w anxiety & depression . Anxiety runs in my family so i was bound to get it but i’ve never had to deal w it until now , it just came out of nowhere . once i started having all these health issues that’s when i started having anxiety & crying everyday .. etc , it’s still all new to me because i don’t know how to deal w it & i’m thinking about asking to be put on medication . A lot of people tell me “ you’ll get use to be alone or “ you’ll eventually like it “ but that’s not me , i’ve always been a social / out going person . ever since i lost my friends i’ve only had one friend ( that boy i previously mentioned ) & it’s been really hard on me , i don’t know if it’s because i’m not use to being alone & this is my first time ever in life only having one person to go to or if i’m genuinely alone & im genuinely lonely . not to mention my only friend goes out every day & is really busy so sometimes i feel like i don’t have him but i know he loves me . i forgot to mention that i’m homeschooled , this was my first year being homeschooled & my last . me being homeschooled made my life so much worse , since i didn’t have any friends when i left public school last year & homeschooling is on a computer so i’m not going to school w other kids , i’m not eating lunch w other kids or anything so it made my mental health much worse . i had another cousin who i became close w a couple months ago but she’s very childish & the second we got into an argument she told my whole family . so i cut her off but now i’m so lonely to the point where i’m risking on hitting her up again so i won’t be alone even if it means she tells my family everything that goes on between us , it’s this one boy i befriended & he’s a cool person but he only talks about himself otp & thru text , even if i try to change the subject to talk about my problems he will start talking about himself & to make sure i wasn’t being dramatic i had my cousin listen to us otp & she agreed so it’s hard . it’s like i don’t have any friends & then i do make one & they aren’t a good friend . i’ve never been one to hurt myself in no way shape or form but today i was so close you don’t even know . when i say i was so close , i was so close . the only thing that stopped me was me getting otp w that boy . i’m at my lowest point & ive never been thru this in my life . i also live with one of my parents & that parent is NEVERRRRR home , so i’m literally home by myself from the morning till 11 at night . i’m thinking about moving in with the other one because me being depressed & stressed & being home alone everyday from morning to night doesn’t help WHATSOEVER . What makes it even harder is i have people who claim to be concerned about my health & then act fakes towards me , or i just met a boy & long story short he was A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON THEN WHAT I EXPECTED . & he knew what i was going thru & still did me bold & i really liked him . i do go to a therapist but i only go once a week & it’s only 45 minutes so i don’t really get everything out . i’ve befriended people from across the world but since we don’t live in the same state the friend ship always stops & we never talk again . i want someone to talk to . i’m not asking for a group of people , trust me i’m not , i don’t want 5 friends . i just want one or even 2 , you could be across the world all i want is a friend . maybe it’ll even lead to us meeting up in person one day . if you read all of this i appreciate it a lot cause i just needed to vent . pls don’t be afraid to become my friend or anything like that , advice is accepted also . thank you .