Sorry for the very long post girls!

Right so I am Muslim and I have been best friends with a boy for over 18 years, we are both 22 now.

I’ve been with my boyfriend (who is white and atheist) for a year and my best friend has never been supportive of it. He even went as far as saying ‘I’m not going to talk about this relationship with you because it’s wrong to have any kind of relationship outside marriage and talking about it will only encourage it and make you want it more.’ This made me furious because 1) he’s infantilizing me like he knows better 2) he can’t make this decision for me and choose when he wants to be my best friend and when he doesn’t. However, in order to respect his choice and not inflict conversations upon him, I let it go.

He was also very disappointed that I slept with my boyfriend and said that I had ‘betrayed’ him by sleeping with a boy outside marriage. He also confessed to one of our mutual friends how he doesn’t respect me like before anymore because I’ve had sex in a STABLE relationship.

Anyway, at this point I just lost it, I told him he had no right to say shit like ‘betrayal’ because I didn’t owe him any explanations nor did he get to have any opinions like this on my personal life. We ended up in a massive argument and I removed him from my contacts.

Now, I need to go over a bit of a back story. In 2015, he (my friend) visited me in the UK and we went out in the afternoon so I could show him around the city a bit. He kept on touching me inappropriately and I kept on pushing his hands away from my waist. But he kept laughing it off. I hated confrontation and at the time, I thought he was just doing it as a joke so I didn’t say much, instead I just constantly pushed him away. Then I got so fed up that I said we should go home. We were on an empty bus at the time and he first held my hand and put it on his dick on top of his jeans. At this point I got extremely angry and right before I could say something, he said ‘get up off the chair, I’ve lost my wallet.’ So I did and just as I got up, he pulled my pants down to my knees. I was HORRIFIED and shocked and I immediately pulled them back up and I was like what the fuck mate??? And then I didn’t say a word to him the entire ride home and when we got home, he came in to say goodbye to my parents and then left, whereas I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room to cry. I texted him later that day and I was like ‘what you did was fucked up and unacceptable.’ And he replied ‘sorry I was a bit horny and besides don’t make me out to be a rapist because I’m not! You know me!’ That is as close as an apology I ever got from him and we never spoke about it again. I was so humiliated and disgusted. I even think to this day what I did to make him behave like that, and I have no answers. I was fully covered too (even tho this isn’t and should never be a factor).

I never told anyone about this except my sister. He even makes himself out to be extremely honorable and everyone we know from school and otherwise think of him as the most honorable guy as well. No one suspects him of things like this, no one ever would.

But all of these feelings started boiling up inside me after he told our mutual friend how he doesn’t respect me anymore because I slept with my boyfriend being Muslim. Yet he went around doing this to someone like me who trusted him with her life since we were 4 years old. I am SO FUCKING angry. I cannot contain the anger over this misogynistic, disgusting mindset. And I just found out again from a mutual friend that he has been hooking up with white chicks in clubs in Canada and posting videos about it on Snapchat too (he’s blocked me from seeing his stories). But as long as he’s not having vaginal sex with them, he thinks getting his dick sucked by random girls is okay and acceptable in religion. Whereas I on the other hand am a ‘bad, dirty muslim’ who will never be accepted in the Muslim community. I’m honestly so disgusted and I needed to vent about the double standards of men, regardless of race or religion. It’s sickening.

And honestly, I told myself for YEARS that what he did was a mistake and he probably wasn’t familiar with the concept of consent but that is fucking bullshit. He wasn’t 13. He was 18. An adult legally. It was his responsibility to know. I had done NOTHING AT ALL for him to think that he could touch me like that and then proceed to lowering my pants and laugh it off by saying ‘I was horny.’ I will remember this forever and it’s honestly heartbreaking. I regret not cutting him out of my life sooner but 18 years are hard to let go of. It took a lot of patience and perseverance to do this, to stop blaming myself and to stop justifying his actions by calling him naive.

And just to add, one of my female friends from back home recently confided in me that she was Skyping him and he kept on forcing her to strip on Skype and when she refused he harassed her by saying extremely inappropriate things and then saying ‘why are you even on skype talking to me if you don’t want to get naked.’

So yeah ladies. In conclusion, men are trash. And it hurts a lot to have to accept that this happened to me. This is the first time I have said this out loud like this. Thanks for reading this. ♥️

P.S. Him and I are no longer friends. I removed him the second I found out he said that he didn’t respect me for sleeping with my boyfriend. It took me years to realize that his bullshit about how he was advising me ‘for my own good’ was just bullshit to feed his sexist mind. I shouldn’t have continued the friendship after the incident on the bus but our families know each other, it’s almost 2 decades, my parents still ask about how him and his family is doing, every time I go home to visit them. It was very hard to just cut him out, especially when this happened because I was extremely naive and scared. But I’m grateful to God for pulling me out of this. Of course I won’t ever be able to tell my parents. But I am content with the fact that he is no longer a part of my life.