I will try to make this as short as possible.

So, our anniversary of four years is on Monday. When we were together for one year, I found out I was pregnant. His family was very emotionally and verbally abusive of me during my pregnancy. They would lie to me and about me (some seriously horrible things), they tried to get me fired from my job, tried to get him to break up with me, they would yell at me for no reason… Just things like that. This caused issues during my pregnancy for me, and it caused issues between him and I for about a year afterwards because not only would he not defend me, but he’d get in on it at times as well.

I was pushed to the brink of an attempted suicide after 18 months of this. And even then I did not have proper support from him. It wasn’t until an entire year after that, that he decided that he was going to commit to me instead of his family who pushed me to that point.

Now, after a brief separation last year, we’ve been doing better. He’s been acting as a better spouse (he’s always been an amazing dad). He cut off half his family, especially the ones who treated me badly. He helps a little more around the house and is generally nicer and more kind.

Here’s the problem. I am extremely jaded by what has happened over the last 2 1/2 years. I still have issues with him being condescending and negative towards me at times (though MUCH less than before). Also, he refused for the longest time to marry me, then decided to get engaged, THEN called it off a few months before the wedding which was heartbreaking and embarrassing. The wedding thing happened recently.

I just feel like I’ll never stop being let down, hurt and/or shamed somehow. I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering when the next time that will happen. I know he loves me... but I don’t think I love him anymore. I know he’s trying but I don’t have the willpower or even really the want to try. Maybe I’m depressed. I don’t know. But I do know I’ve been hurt too many times and i don’t know if I’ll ever get over it.

I don’t know what to do.