I haven't told anyone the full story of your hold over me,

but

I'm afraid to sleep again.

I'm afraid of having another dream of you.

The person who tried taking the one thing I hold dearest to me.

The thing that I'm most proud of.

You taught me my fight or flight response, and I learned that it's neither.

You held me frozen on your bed.

Knowing I didn't want what was to happen.

Ignoring my "nos", and "let me gos"

Captive to your strength and determination.

I laid staring up at the ceiling, unable to breathe, and tired of pushing you off me.

You did what you wanted.

Although you didn't succeed at your plan to take my body, you broke me.

I cried myself to sleep for months.

I even began hiding my body.

Wrapping myself in thick hoodies to mask your undefined marks on my body.

Hiding the shackles you left on my psyche.

You broke me best friend.

And I should have seen the signs.

Now it's 3 years later and I'm still dreaming about you.

I brought your name up once, and you decided to grace my dreams with your presence.

But this time you finished...

You got what you wanted, and decided to humiliate me further, and leave your "mark" on my face.

How clever you are, leaving me screaming for help in my sleep.

Grasping so hard for air, I was wheezing, and desperately grabbing my throat for a single breath.

Waking up sore, like I got dragged under an 18-wheeler with a personal vendetta.

I'm tired of giving you what you want.

Currently begging for restful sleep, I lay.

You're no longer a threat, so why should you get to torment my dreams?

You don't deserve me.

So f you, I'm taking my life back.

Keep my anxiety that you created.

I'm getting a refund on all the panic attacks you've gifted me with.

Next time just get yourself a Fleshlight.

Sincerely,

-The Happily Engaged Girl Who No Longer Needs Your Ghost Ass.

🖤