Will this be the end?

Question

Today at dinner while talking about the cost of <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>, my husband said, "if you do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> it's not going to work and I'm going to be upset about all that money. "

I said, " you're going to be upset about... the money? !"

And he said, "yes! I think this place is just trying to take your money." I was floored that he could only see lost money and not the loss of our hope or loss of a child...

A little back story, I'm 35 and my husband(who is 40) and I have been trying for a child since I went off the pill in the summer of 2017. With my scanty periods and advancing age, I went to the specialist in January 2018 after talking with my actual obgyn. My husband and I were diagnosed with unexplained infertility, I had two inconclusive hsg's, and we had 5 IUIs. We knew my lining was thin and we worked hard each cycle to get it to where we needed, but we weren't sure what exactly was going on. So finally after taking a few months break, my husband said if I wanted to do the laparoscopy to find out more and do <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> that would be fine. We had originally been hesitant because of the expense, which is why we did 5 IUIs. After my surgery, we learned I have one blocked fallopian tube, and practically no uterine lining. Our only options are <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> or gestational carrier. <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> is really our only option, but we understood the cost.

I don't understand why when we talked about it tonight, the day he did his bloodwork, all of this came out.

Should I just resign myself to a childfree life? I've always been around children, as a nanny for years and now a teacher for a decade. Should I just live with having everyone else's kids be my kids?

Could the RE be just trying to get my money?

Is this a wedge that will eventually be the breaking point in my marriage? We've been together for 10 years but I've always been the one more about kids.

I'm so depressed and confused and hurt. Help?

Answer

No, they are not just trying to get your money. You had FIVE failed iui’s, ivf is the next logical option and from what you said your only option to have biological children. I’m so sorry your going through this 💔 
where do you live? Is getting a new job for either of you an option? If you are in the US and work for a company with headquarters in 1 of the 15 mandated states, you could get fertility coverage.

Answer

This is horrible, it sounds like he’s not bothered anymore. Only you can decide if thats a dealbreaker for you.
Why isn’t adoption an option?

Answer

Aww man, I had a long response typed out and then I accidentally deleted it. But here are the main points: it is a lot of money to potentially add to the lots of money already spent with nothing gained. Talk to the doctors and get some statistics and opinions on what THEY would do if the were in your exact physical and financial position. And finally maybe A surrogate is a better option. True, you don’t get to go through pregnancy yourself, but you do get a baby that is biologically yours. The fact is with no uterine lining you can’t carry a baby to term. From my understanding IVF is successful less than 1/2 the time. And it often times can be just as expensive as surrogacy. My sister is actually being a surrogate for a couple and she is only making 30,000. I don’t know what the cost of all your treatments and what not would be, but something to consider and that perhaps coming to terms with the fact you might not be able to have things exactly how you want them to be. Maybe talk to friends/relatives/associates and see if you know someone who would feel blessed to be a surrogate. That’s basically what happened with my sister. People who do it simply for money and through agencies typically are asking for more $. My sister just wanted to be able to help someone. The compensation is for her time and obvious sacrifices, it does effect her family. They had to do some talking with lawyers and insurance companies to get her and the baby covered but it’s all worked out.

Answer

Why are your only options IVF and resigning yourself to a child free life when millions of children in this country needs home and parents.. and more are born every day needing those things.
With adoption you know it will work. It's not really a gamble, just a waiting game.

Answer

He may be afraid of more failure. I wouldn’t base everything on one conversation.

Will this be the end?

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