Today has been a day from HELL!!

I am a single parent. I juggle 2 on my own and my son lives with his father. Today has kicked my ass harder than EVER!!

I surprised my children with a day at a water park. I had been promising to take them and lied and said we wouldn't go but we did. The pure look of excitement made me happy. We are wondering around eating shaved ice and enjoying the sun and water. All hell broke loose when we decided to get on floaties and float the lazy pool. My 4 year old at some point starts screaming at the top of her lungs to the point everyone stops what their doing and turns around staring at us! She jumps on the median out of the water and refused to get back in. No one can be on the median the area is for guards only. The one watching the pool area had to call his manager over because my daughter refused to go back in the water and when my 10 year old son went to help. They wouldn't let him. I legit had to grab and pull her back into the water with me and we dried, dressed, and left! We stop and ate and my 4 year old starts fighting with my 2 year old. My 10 year is yelling across the fucking restaurant at them to stop while I'm ordering food! I get to the table and immediately lose my shit on them in front of one other customer saying "If you guys don't stop right now I am going to scream at the top of my lungs"... They then shut up. We eat and then leave. We get home. Everyone is showering and I'm starting to clean up. I go to wash my 4 year old's hair and she won't let me. She never cries she does this annoying fucking whimper and it drives me up the wall. I wash her hair and final about to blow dry and style and she starts kicking and screaming and squirming all over the place. Meanwhile my 2 year has hair products all over my damn dining room! I can't focus on one thing because 3 or 4 other things are happening! I can't sit down and have 5 minutes to myself because as soon as I step away someone needs me or someone starts crying or banging on the door for me to let them in.

It's never been as bad as today. I'm usually really good at prioritizing and getting shit done but today was a day from hell. I walk away for an hour to relax and calm down only to return to find my dining room area a mess AGAIN and my 10 year old knowing this mess is there and not cleaning it up. I lose my shit this time! Big time! I hate to admit but I walked away again going back to my room and knocked over my tower fan(shoved it to the floor).

Please do not judge me! Idk why I had that aggressive moment. I legit pulled some of my hair out. No lie!

I can tell I hurt their feelings and I felt (and still feel) horrible and apologized like crazy!

I don't want them to think I am a bad mom or a mean mom. Idk why it happened but I lost myself today. My kids are always happy and to not see them happy because of my own frustration hurts me. I cry as I type this because I feel like maybe I'm regretting having kids. I didn't think when I did that I'd be doing this shit alone. As to why that part matters today of all days, IDK.

**Thank you ladies so much for your kind words!!

**Ashley? I specifically said my 10 year yelled across the restaurant for them to stop. I didn't say they were yelling. How did you gather that I yell at my kids all of the time? I appreciate your input though. Thank you