Why am i like this?

Honestly i’ve known i have this problem for years. my friends all know. i dont know how to stop. i try so hard but i cant. i will talk to a guy over the phone/texting and be so into them but when it comes time to hanging out i can never do it. maybe it’s because of my parents? maybe it’s because i’m a terrible person?? idk. i sabotage every good guy that comes into my life. i keep fucking up. i’m 19 almost 20 and unable to hang out with a guy. i’ve gone on a few dates over the years. i’ve hung out with guys sometimes. i just dont know why sometimes i was able to. and i don’t think it’s because of how into them i am. i was in love with someone and literally unable to hang out with him. i realized i loved him too late and now he’s all i want (he’s not the problem. i’ve had this forever). but he hates me and that will never happen again but ANYWAYS. if anyone has any idea why i do this please let me know. i dont want to do this anymore. i cant hurt anymore people