Feel like a failure as a step parent

C šŸ’š ā€¢

My husband and I have been together 2 years so I've been his sons life for 2 years. Hubby's ex is 29 and is a vindictive, petty, pain in the ass. My step son has lived with us for a year and sees mom two weekends a month.

She's told her son ("to prove a point that words hurt") that she doesn't love him and wishes she never had him (but tbh, what grown woman says this to an 8 year old? He was so upset over this).

She's told her son upon dropping him off here at our house that she's going to get fucked by a guy... and the proceeded to explain what "get fucked" meant.

She's dropped him off wearing the same clothes he left in two days prior without washing them.

Last summer, we took him to the dentist and he needed nearly $1000 worth of work done to fix and prevent future problems. We asked if she could at least pay half of that. We didn't ask for it in full but small payments here and there would have helped. It's been a year and we haven't gotten his teeth fixed.

She lived with her boyfriend, his son, and her boyfriends brother last year. The boyfriends brother was physical and left bruises in my step son. This was reported, no worries. But she was more concerned with us filing the report than her son being physically harmed by this man (who we later found out as charges against him for seducing a minor).

She was later arrested in front of her son for domestic violence including said boyfriend stated previously.

We got food stamps a year ago and in our state, when you apply for food stamps, the state will go after the non custodial parent for child support. Shes refused to pay since being served papers in September of last year and now the court is going after her.

She now lives with a lesbian couple (one of which doesnt have custody of her son) and her 19 year old boyfriend (who she met online, only talked to on the phone, and just randomly let move in with her and her friends).

This past year of having him live here has been crazy rough on me. I had no children when he moved in. I'm currently pregnant and due in September. His behavior in school changed drastically around the time his mom got arrested. We've had police at the house because of things he's said at school, DCF has been involved because of the bruises from the boyfriends brother and just now as of today another incident from school. He's been suspended for fighting in school. The bus driver suspended him for behavior. The school administration knows us by first name when we come into the office. Just recently he didn't get his way and went into his bedroom and began destroying his furniture (he has raw wood furniture and was carving into it and leaving scratches... all done on purpose).

We've tried counseling and it did nothing for him. When we talk to him and ask him why he thinks this behavior is okay, he never really has an answer. I could go on and on about the discussions we've had with him but it would take hours. We've taken his phone, TV, everything from his room, and his dad has literally destroyed his xbox (which seemed to he the only thing to affect him). He has said he doesn't care that we take everything from him and he never wanted it anyways.

We love his so much but his mom is brainwashing him into thinking we're the bad guys because we discipline him and that he needs to come live with her... which legally can't happen till she has a bedroom for him. She can't support herself let alone her son. He's got an appointment with a psychiatrist in July so that's our next step. We are slowly losing our sanity.

I guess I'm just venting... if you've made it this far, thanks for reading. Any advice is welcome...