I’m looking for advice from moms who have had a similar first birth and are looking to improve things the second time around (or have already had a more positive second experience). I wouldn’t say my daughter’s birth was traumatic for me, but I am scared about number 2 and hoping to change my mindset.

I had an unmedicated birth in a birthing center with a midwife. Contractions came on quickly at home and quickly became unbearable. I was checked soon after and rushed to the birthing center at 5 cm. Contractions continued to be really painful and debilitating until I was told it was time to push (though I never felt the urge). Baby’s BP was dropping which put everyone on guard and I was urged to push very hard and get the baby out (essentially to avoid a c-section). Because of their concern with baby, I had to be lying down in order to be monitored. I don’t know how long I pushed, but it was not quick and was extremely painful (maybe it always is?). Baby was born 3 hours after arriving at the birthing center, completely healthy (though the cord was cut right away so they could check her). I had a lot of “jagged” tearing, which ended up taking months and additional surgery to heal. I learned after the fact that the midwife had considered an episiotomy.

After giving birth, I don’t think I ever admitted it, but I think I did have some lasting depression and anxiety. I don’t know if my birthing experience contributed to that, but I did feel powerless, unprepared, and physically destroyed. Even walking was difficult 4 months later.

I’m hoping to turn things around this time. What suggestions do you have? Hypno-birthing/meditation? Herbal remedies? Perineal massage? A doula? Other means of enforcing positive thoughts, pain control, and healthy outcomes? Thanks for reading!