This is something I should be venting to my dad about. But, I cant talk to him at the moment.

I'm just so pissed and done.

I can't talk to you about ANYTHING without you turning it into a discussion about yourself. Or turning it into something its not. Or your ridiculous assumptions.

You're posting stupid shit about me because I said I didn't want to have kids after a certain age..

Of course you took it personally because your over 40 with a 2 year old

But you wouldn't let me tell you it was a decision I made when I was super young. Definitely long before your fourth child.

But I'm so sick of not being heard. Of you just not fucking caring about anybody but yourself.

And not only that you just steal whatever I want to do and make my triumphs seem insignificant.

I took a photography class in HS and u went out and bought a 600 dollar camera for your "new photography business."

I tell you I'm writing a book. And you go out and PUBLISH one in 5 months.

I asked you to edit my first draft anyway but you can't even be bothered to read it! You won't read something I'm so freaking proud of myself for, because you just dont care.

I was the oldest. But I wasn't allowed to drive in high school. You let my little brother drive instead. You let him steal my moment, my first every gift I won in kindergarten, you give him your car when I needed one.

And now you think I have some irrational fear of driving when its all you.

You get some stupid thing in your head. And you're right and no one Can change your mind even if youre really wrong.

I was never allowed to have a life. I was never allowed to go to them mall with friends. I was never allowed to cut my hair. I was never allowed to do anything.

But my younger brother never got grounded. He was allowed to go wherever and do whatever he wanted.

I tried venting to you the other day about my kids and it was a bad day for me. I couldn't keep up with messes. And all you said was leave the mess. Thwyll be in school soon enough.

THAT'S NOT COMFORTING. I'm not just letting my kids play in filth. I just wanted to be heard not preached at.

I tried to tell you about my (severe) anxiety but since youve ever seen me have anxiety (???) You don't believe me.

I baby sat your child one day. Along with my 2 little ones. I made supper. Did the dishes put them away. I was trying to clean up the disaster of a mess all the kids made. And I was so overwhelmed by everything. But I wantes to do it all because you were having a minor surgery. And I didntwantyou to have to do it.

And you know what you did? You looked at me all weird. And told me to stop. I left in 2 minutes.

And then you sent me some stupid message about being next to god or whatever. That's not what I wanted to fucking hear mom. Would a thank you really have killed you???

I'm so sick and tired of feeling like I'm not heard. That I'm not cared about. That whatever I do doesn't matter

Of course it wont ever matter.. Will it?

Theres so much more I'm upset about. So much more I'm so angry about. I couldn't even grieve for my grandmother without you turning it into youre the most upset person because you were like a daughter to her. Like I'm apparently I'm just not qualified to be upset about it???

And then after all that shit today. You decide to send me a dude dancing on a dead whale because you knew it would make me upset.

Fucking really??

Ugh. I'm sorry this is so long. Nobody is going to read this. And you know what writing all this out. Didn't even help.

If you actually read this far. Thank you. 😟