Boarding or residential school survivors.

Any other former boarders out there?

I had painful, frightening, abusive and neglectful experinces in a privately owned boarding school, for children with Mild to moderate special needs. I do not think that type of education was what I needed, a mainstream school would have been adequate for dyslexia. Also perhaps it was unhelpful to be cut off from society, my home, family, friends and pets. The education quality and facilities were relatively poor, but the unsafe poorly supervised boarding facilities were a bigger issue. Educationally I did do alright in the long run and got a BA degree in my mid twenties through a distance learning provider all the while running a business and parenting. Emotionally and spiritualy I thought I had recovered until about two years ago when my oldest child turned 12. The the age that I was when I was sent away. It all hit me like a ton of bricks, but I read Mark Stiles book 'home at last,' it was so helpful in starting the healing process. I realised too as I remember even in the midst of it all God was with me and looking out for me, even when I was too hurting to pray. Recently I spoke with some people from a government inquiry investgating historic child abuse, of children in this type of care, since then I have been shaking and finding it hard to concentrate feeling a little panic and kind of keeping my husband at arms length. I just want to feel normal again. My life is good I have great kids, a good kind, God following, hard working husband. I am on speaking terms with my parents. My siblings are good people, I have a lovely extended family on my husbands side and friends, I know God is close and I know I am healing all be it slowly, it just seems like a set back and I feel so down and emotionally numb that I don't know what to do. I just need to have faith it will pass. I feel bad about thinking of myself so much too, I am not usually so self reflective. Also anyone heard of boarding school syndrome, or watched the YouTube videos on it? Any thoughts? There is a website boarding concern if anyone else needs information and I recommend Mark Stiles book as helpful athough I am not quite fully comfortable with it. I guess it's not of the more conservative nature of the Christian books I normally read.