Three years ago was the first time I got pregnant. I was 7 weeks along and ended up miscarrying. I lost my baby literally days before ever hearing their heartbeat.

Again with the same person I got pregnant. I had another miscarriage.. I blame myself hard on this one. I went to the doctor to get blood drawn and went out with my girl friend. I haven't drank in the last few weeks because it was making me sick and I assumed it was because the last time I drank liquor I had the bottle and got sick off of it. But I decide to take a couple swings anyway while smoking cigarettes (which at the time I hadn't quit yet). Later I get a call from my doctor asking me to come back in, which obviously I couldn't so she tells me im pregnant and approximately how far along based on last menstrual cycle. I didn't know how to feel so I spent the rest of the night no alcohol no cigarettes.

When I got up the next morning I was bleeding heavily and bad cramping through my stomach and back. My doctor asked me to give it a few days before testing my hcg levels. I decided to just take an at home test instead of wasting money on another lab draw and more money. My at home test came up negative this morning, and I feel that I knew the whole time. I guess I just wanted either reassurance or for me to be wrong. Im so hard on myself, but I can't help but blame myself both pregnancies.