Today makes my period 6 days late. I'm not sure exactly how to feel about it. I'm nervous because as this is my partner and my first child, and we've never done this before. I met him almost a year ago, our anniversary is next month, and we instantly decided we wanted to be together for life. We aren't married yet but we will get there eventually, but we decided back in December that we would stop using condoms. He's ready to become a father just as much as I'm ready to become a mother and it's been a 6 long month journey of trying, hoping, wishing, and then retrying, and also sometimes a bit of sadness. I stopped taking birth control back when I was 23 years old. By then, I was out of my parent's house, had a degree, and was living my own life and thought I'd be ready for a child to care for. Needless to say, none of the previous lovers were on the same boat as me and we didn't have the same goals in mind. I met my partner, we clicked, EVERYTHING clicked, and now we live together and moving towards our life goals. It's been a wonderfully, challenging time to say the least but we are strong, and we love each other, and we work as team mates. The last time I thought I was pregnant (which was every month, I just wanted it so bad), my period was over 10 days late and no explanation. We scheduled a doctor's appointment and by the time we got there, my period decided to show up. We got some good baby making tips from the doctor, and it kind of felt like permission to move forward with it from the doctor. After that, we could stop trying and every month, Miss Flow would appear and end my hopeful wishes until the next month.

Trial and error.

This month is different. We BD 5x out of the 7 days that I supposedly ovulated and before I downloaded Glow, I had another app that would help me track but without this beautiful community to go with it.

This month, I'm not excited and I'm not pessimistic about it either. I'm right in the middle of my emotions, on a balancing beam because I don't want to disappoint myself. I have had these symptoms since our BD, and taken 4 tests so far, with the most recent one on this past Monday, all BFN. My boobs, specifically my nipples, are a bit more sensitive than usual, my sense of smell is a bit more keen than usual, and I'm personally a bit calmer than usual. I get nausea every morning, but never to the point of throwing up, and yesterday I had interesting pains and sensations in my belly region, near my belly button and down. My period is 6 days late and I have no sign of it!

We are praying that this month is our month and that we are indeed creating a child within but this period of the unknown is the real test. Before, I'd be so anxious and this time, my anxiety isn't present. I want to know but I know that eventually, something will let me know whether or not I'm pregnant. In the meantime, I'm going to take care of my body as if I were pregnant in case I am, and then I'm going to continue doing that even if I find out that I'm just a week late and it's something to do with stress. I'm going to act as if our baby is here, growing, so that when they are ready to come, their growing place is ready for them to become everything they strive for. Today, I'm ready to be a parent and even if it's not right now, I know that in my heart, it will happen one day if it is meant for me. Taking a seat on this and letting life steer us in the right direction. If I don't get my period by next weekend, we are scheduling a doctor's appointment. I may take another test mid-week to see if there are any changes. I just get so blah when I see a BFN and it doesn't serve me well right now so no testing just yet! Wish us all the luck, receiving all baby dust given! 💙💜💙💜🧘🏾‍♀️🙏🏽🙏🏽🤰🏾👶🏽🥰🥰🌺⚘🌻🦋