I compromised with my SO on vaccines. We delayed until 6 months and he is only getting 3 this first year. He just turned 6 months. Tomorrow my son will get his first vaccine and I didn't sleep last night. I probably won't sleep again tonight. I grew up with a girl who had one of the worst reactions to vaccines aside from death. She has a seizure and was in a coma for 3 months following and when she woke she was paralyzed from the neck down, couldn't breathe on her own, could eat without a feeding tube, couldn't even control her eye movement. Growing up she was a grade ahead of me, kids used to make fun of her, we didn't know why she was in the special chair and couldn't talk. Gradually as I got older I noticed her condition improved, slowly. She began to speak, hard to understand but still she used to not be able to at all. She upgraded her chair when she could hold her own head up finally, she upgraded again when she could hold her torso up. In high school I remember the first day she used her walker all day instead of just the morning. On her graduation day she was valedictorian and graduated with a 4.3 GPA. The school shut down and we all watched her walk (assisted by a friend with a strap around her waist) to get her diploma. It was her speech though. Still a bit difficult to understand. She told her story of her vaccine reaction and her journey to where she was now. That was the day I started researching. That was the day I decided I would never get another vaccine. Fast forward to now. When I got pregnant I told my SO I did not want to vaccinate and he hated the idea. We fought about it for months. I finally convinced him that the CDC schedule was way to much for such a small child. He was fine with delaying and not doing all the vaccines. I found a Dr. who agreed and recommended to us what he did with his children. My SO agreed with him and it was more than what I could talk him down from so I was happy at the time. But now it is time. Time for him to get his first shot and I'm panicking. I don't know if I could forgive myself if he had a reaction as bad as the one I described, or any for that matter. I'm so scared.