Why is cheating so hard to control for me?

My husband back story. And NO I am not saying because of these he deserves to be cheated on.... I just don’t know how to leave a man? I don’t know how to deal without a man in my life, he’s took care of me for so long just I don’t know how to leave, I hate being with him, he knows that he knows I want to leave but he manipulates me into staying like I’m going to kill myself etc. he doesn’t please me emotionally or physically, and mentally ! He’s cheated on me more then I count on my fingers, he’s abused me sexually and physically, for 2 years year he’s been better; a better version of him and yet I’ve become stronger over the years where I don’t let him walk over me now (thanks to therapy) yet I still can’t leave.... and my mind can’t stop racing with everything he’s put me through.... and now all I can think about is having sex with other men and women just to feel loved on, I crave sex, my therapist said I’m addicted to sex. And the addiction is just like any drug and alcohol addiction... I was sexually abused by my family, so a lot plays into roll why I’m so lonely and feel the need to be loved by whoever.. I’m start to not be able to control my urges and it scares me because I’m gonna cheat but I don’t won’t to become low like he was and is to me still.. but the urges I can’t fight them it’s killing my insides to want sex and love. Yes it’s not love to have sex with whoever but my Brain is like it is Love I just want to be touched and feel amazing I just want to be happy... but I don’t won’t to cheat and become low or if he finds out try to guilt me into oh well you cheated and blah blah..... anyways I love my husband but I’m not in love and yes I do talk to my husband but he’s still manipulative and controlling just without the abuse but in reality that is abuse too. He yells when I try to talk to him about anything to do with me and what’s going on. WHY CANT I LEAVE THIS MAN what is wrong with me