A bit upset about anniversary presents?

Question

So long story short, we have no money. Our anniversary is in a week... And well, Even though we have no money and lots of things to save for. I still managed to save and set aside around $25 so I could buy my boyfriend a small present to give to him for our anniversary.

He knew it was coming in the mail (i had told him so that he wouldn't open it if he got it while I wasn't home). So it came today. And well, he said something along the lines of "I feel bad I wish you didn't get me anything. I wont/dont have a present for you".

And well just :( I cant help but feel a little hurt. I spent time on getting him this little gift that he had wanted for a really long time. That I slowly saved up for while paying the bills we needed to... Yet he's straight out told me he's gotten me nothing :( even though just today we splurged around $30 on a little outing (because his little sister is in town and we have to show her around)... :(

I dont even care if its a gift he bought or not. Just the way he said it makes it sound like he's not even thinking of writing me a little note saying he loves me or anything like that.

We have an absolutely amazing relationship together and i love him with all my heart.

I feel bad that I'm getting upset over such a petty thing.

But it still hurts that despite us being broke I still managed to save just a little bit to get him a simple but meaningful present. And that he apparently hasn't even tried to do that at all... :(
What do I do? Do i just suck it up? Do i hint at anything? Trust me I love him and am more than happy to just spend a lovely day with him.

But in the back of my mind I'm still a little hurt that for our anniversary of all things he apparently hasn't even tried :(

Answer

If you agreed no presents then you should've stuck to the agreement...now not only did you go against it but you've probably made him feel bad that he didn't do the same for you. Wouldn't you rather he be upfront and tell you that he didn't get you anything as opposed to just letting you down when he doesn't give you anything?

Answer

I would rather spend an hr or two of quality time sitting outside having good convo over coffee with my husband than get a gift any day. I think being upset over a gift is unnecessary, suggest that instead of a gift you'd like for him to cook dinner for you, or lay out under the stars with you, or do some random chore you've really wanted to get done but haven't had the time?

Answer

Have you heard of the book the "5 Love Languages"? Perhaps one of yours if to show affection through gifts and his isn't which is why you made the effort and he didnt. Everyone should read that book, take the quiz and explore more about your relationship. If he knew that was something super important to you he would be less likely to drop the ball and if words of affirmation or whatever are super important to him then I am sure you would put in the extra effort there. I get why your upset, I like gifts too and my so kinda sucks at that stuffll. But it's not an end all be all kind of thing. Seriously check out the 5 love languages and read it with your partner. You'll be glad you did :)

Answer

In all honesty men don't think about things like this in advance. My husband dosnt come from a home of gift givers. I have to tell him if I want him to get me something and even then sometimes he dosnt. Take for example my birthday was on Labor day. We had been remodeling our house for a while and I decided that we would take that day and take our girls too the zoo because they had done so well listening. We went to the zoo because that's what I wanted to do and I told him about it. He has surprised me in the past but not often. You have to think about it this way. Is he dilbratly trying to be an ass? Or is he just trying to save money. Sometimes there is more money in the bank then others. Maybe there was an extra expense and he couldn't save. Your anniversary dosnt have to be a gift giving day. Spend the day together if you can. Make him dinner or make dinner together!

Answer

When my husband & I were super broke & couldn't afford much for gifts we would say we can each spend $10-$15 on a gift for each other & we would have to be creative. It was fun & competitive to see who could come up with the best gift for so cheap. These gifts were some of the best I've received from him because they were more heartfelt. Just a suggestion for any other holidays coming up!

Answer

Guys don't think ahead like that. I get why you feel bad but he's not the first guy not to plan ahead to buy someone a gift.

Answer

I totally understand this. When my husband and I first started dating he kept being really weird about sweetest day. Not something I usually celebrated but I thought maybe he had something fun planned and a card or gift for me. It turned out he just wanted to go watch the football game that day but didn't know how to tell me.

We talked about it later and I let him know how much it hurt me. So now he knows that when he brings me a card or my favorite candy bar, it means so much to me and he willingly does it. We celebrated our anniversary last night (one month of marriage, silly but fun) and I had a card for him and he had flowers for me. We just had a quick spaghetti dinner before the Packer game, but it meant a lot that he went out of his way. With long term meaningful relationships you sometimes just have to ask for what you want. You'd want the same from your partner!

PS, My husband and I went to counseling right after we got engaged (we didn't get married in a church so there was no required counseling, we chose to do it on our own) and we learned about the five love languages too. Mine is definitely gifts. His is touch. So he would ask me to rub his shoulders or his ears and now he doesn't have to.

I hope this helps!

Answer

Men are very straightforward creatures. So if you say not to get you a present, he won't get you a present.

They don't read minds. And they pick up on subtle clues. If you say yes, they think you mean yes, if you tell him to save money, he will save money.

Answer

Things like this are why I don't like Christmas or Valentine's Day or birthdays. Gifts are supposed to be something you get someone to make them smile, without thought or expectation or hope for something in return. On days like those 3, you get something for the other person because it's expected and people tend to feel obligated, and then we as women tend to get our feelings hurt because they never live up to what we hope for, usually based on movies or things our friends say about what their SO did. Plus, I've noticed several of my friends straight up lie on Facebook about what their SO's are doing/did for them on those days, to make it look and sound good for the public, which is just silly. I say, give gifts because you want to make the other person happy, on any random day you want to, and we all stop celebrating the 'required' days and save a bunch of unnecessary hurt.

If your husband and your relationship is wonderful on the day to day life stuff, don't allow yourself to be upset over one small day that in the long run isn't that major. If 1 day out of 365 your husband disappoints you, then be grateful that you have such a wonderful man to call your own. Focus on your blessings, and let the small hurts slide.

Answer

Some men are horrible at reading between the lines when you say "I don't want to gifts," but some women would like to receive a small gesture or card. In my opinion, you should be open, and tell him how you feel because communication is key. Remember, while y'all did agree on no gifts...you felt sensative and hurt no small gestures were offered. Money is always hard for couples, and tell him you are not trying to be petty. You just want to feel special. Many women like romantic gifts that come from the heart. It is just important to calmy communicate how you're feeling. :)

A bit upset about anniversary presents?

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