help! talk me off the ledge here im at my wits end


so my son was born 35wks spent a week in the nicu and just bottle fed so ive been trying to get him to latch about once a day but having problems so ive just been pumping, im almost 6weeks out and my supply is good about 27-33oz a day. ive been using the spectra s2 the last 3 weeks or so and my problems seem to be getting worse. the forst week i was dealing with bleb blisters now the last week extreme nipple pain and blistering with minor bleeding. i had a couple small clogged ducts and engorgement before about 2 or 3 weeks ago but resolved by increasing suction. now the blistering so ive gone down to an 8 and gradually work up to 10 or 11 i was doing max 12 before. i also have very large nipples, using the 36mm medela flanges. the lactation support group i went to validated im doing everything right except ive stopped using the hydrogel pads. i feel like ive tried everything from power pumping every 2hrs or so. right now i usually go 3 to 4 give or take. also tried warm compress at beginning of pumping and cool packs on nipples afterwards. using coconit oil on flanges i have nipple butter and lanolin. im going to rent the medela symphony pump again see if that helps. also i have mild raynauds syndrome so the nipple trauma has caused my nipples to vasospasm and turn white especially after pumping but even minor friction causes them to turn white before turning bluish purple then back to pink only lasting several minutes. im also occasionally getting a stabbing pain in my bum boob but im going back to work in about 2weeks and i cant keep dealing with this pain, everyone says they will toughen up but when?!?! 😭 i feel like there is so much going against me here but formula is so expensive!

needed to get all that out 😤😩 thanks for any input!!