I do not understand why I have stayed this long.. when I was 6 months pregnant with our son your addiction came back with a vengeance. You took all my savings, stole my valuables and pawned them, I managed to save a few things and hid them at my mothers.

I believed that when our child arrived you could overcome the demon that has his nails in your back. And you did. For a month.

I could tell every time I saw you high. I can always tell by your facial expressions, by the way you talk and act. But you still try to hide it from me like I have never seen you high.

He’s 4 months old now and is the sweetest child. I cook and clean and take care of our boy and I have a year off work to do so. But you’re still getting high. Claiming you’ll get help every time I catch you but never do. Promising to do better but never do.

I just found out you stole some of my father’s possessions and sold them for what you say was a two year old drug debt. Ya fucking right. There’s so much shit you’ve done that would make any sensible women leave. But I keep believing your stories, your promises, and your honest hope that you’ll get better. I want you to be the person I know you can be but this addiction has clouded everything meaningful in your life. You can’t have both family and drugs. It’s us or them and you keep showing me you are not choosing us.

When will I have the courage to leave.