To my ex-

So you’re getting married to her. The one you started dating after me. The one your mom loves because she’s black too.

Anna and Levi told everyone in the room today as they looked at your Facebook announcement, and I gripped that cheap champagne glass so hard it shattered and cut my thumb and palm. They all looked at me and remembered we dated for 4 years. I would have done anything in that moment for them to look away, not see that blank look on my face, but I was frozen. I was having a million flashbacks. You nibbling on my toes, you licking my cheek and us giggling, splashing in the bath, us both crying when you moved for work, chasing me around your living room and when you caught me we kissed like we hadn’t touched in years . We were 20 then but my God we felt so young.

I have to let you go, so I am taking a deep breath and letting those memories fade. I am releasing you from my soul. You are happy. Are you happy? You used to say I made you feel alive like you had finally woken up, or saw color for the first time. Does she give you that same fire? She must. I’m letting you go.

So you’re getting married. I will be there at the wedding, pending an invite that I know I’ll get because we are both polite, and I’ll be smiling. Because you were my best friend, and now you get to be at peace.

You’ll have a baby soon. You always said you didn’t want to wait long after marriage, at least with me. You’ll have a baby soon and we will all look at your Facebook and see he has your curls. Your dimples. And I will wonder what our baby would have looked like. I want to say it should have been ours, but I guess not. I guess God always has a plan. So I’ll smile at the screen and wonder if you ever wish that was ours. And I’ll dig my nails into my palms to center myself. And then I’ll breathe, and I’ll let it go.

You’re getting married. So go on, be happy. Oh my, how I loved you, how I still have remnants left in me that love you even now. I am not bitter, I am not angry. I am sad but at peace because you are who you always wanted to be. You are as happy as you always dreamed. I’ll always be watching from the side. But now is your time. Go on, race in bliss with her. So I release you from my soul. So I let you go.

Edit: Some of you are so sweet :) I appreciate all of your responses. To clarify, we broke up a year and a half ago after dating for 4 years. 4 months later he started dating the girl and proposed after 14 months. So I haven’t had an extremely long time to heal. I can say I have moved on from him, and I don’t follow his social media, but we have the same friend group so I can’t always avoid seeing him and hearing his name/news. When I said “we felt so young” I meant even though we were in our twenties it felt like a high school romance, as if we were 16. As for the wedding, I know you all are saying not to go, but again we are in the same friend group so it would stick out if I wasn’t there. Plus, I don’t want him to think I’m bitter or anything. I really am happy for him, it was just hard to hear. I don’t spend my time missing him or heartbroken, I have moved forward with life, it was just in that moment that things broke a little. Thank you all ❤️