Breastfeeding Guilt

I had my baby on 6/26/19. The moment he came out the nurse put him on top of me and asked if I wanted to breastfeed him. This wasn’t the first time I had hear this.

My doctor, the hospital workers, WIC employees, friends, family, and strangers have all asked me if I wanted to breastfeed my son. I always answered the same way. “I’m not sure but I’m willing to try”. I said this because I have had a precious’s breast reduction so I wasn’t even sure that I would produce. Even with that answer most people would still make me feel like my answer wasn’t enough for them.

So fast forward to the postpartum unit of the hospital. My son is crying and I can tell he’s hungry. I ask my nurse if she knows anything about breast feeding since I have never tried it before. The nurse came in and placed sugar water on my nipple and tried to get my son to latch. She manipulated my breast trying to get him to latch, but he wouldn’t. So after an hour of trying my son was irritated and still very hungry. I felt defeated, but I was assured that most women struggle at first.

The next day a lactation consultant entered my room. She immediately began listing off the breastfeeding facts. She told me that it would be amazing for my baby and it would be something I should do. She taught me how to hand express my breasts. So for two hours she and I sat massaging my breasts to get barely a drop of colostrum out. I immediately gave it to him, but I could tell he was still hungry. Again, i was defeated.

Fast forward to that night. Another consultant entered my room. She once again listed endless breastfeeding facts. She told me that I should not be upset because this happens to most people. Again, even more defeated then the last.

My husband and I were getting ready to eat some dinner that night when our son began to cry. He would not stop after everything we tried. A nurse ran in and suggested we try to feed him again. I tried but my son would not latch and I wasn’t producing. I then broke down in tears. I told her that I had never wanted to breastfeed, I had merely been guilted into trying. I felt so bad that my baby continued to go hungry. I couldn’t stand the thought of starving him anymore. When my regular nurse came in, she could see how upset I was. She brought me a bottle and I fed my son for the first time. His eyes lit up and I could tell he was he was finally happy.

Please don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for not breastfeeding. Feeding your baby is what’s most important, not the way you do it.