i don’t wanna live like this

hello

i’ve made a bunch of posts about the same thing before, but i feel comfortable posting things on this app because so far everyone has been really nice and understanding.

anyways, to the point.

i hate social anxiety. i hate it so fucking much. i had planned to go out to watch a movie with my friends today, as yes i did go because my friend told me that i could hang with her if i felt uncomfortable.

before we all met up, i had been nervous ever since we organised it. i waited like a day to say i could come because i was so scared to go. i was in a shop before we met up, and i just had a big panic attack. it didn’t last too long, maybe half an hour. but it was horrible.

i kept almost falling over because i was so hot and dizzy, so i ran to the bathroom and threw up. it felt like an all time low. i cried for ages silently in a bathroom stall, and felt trapped and scared.

i felt panicked all through the movie and until i left. i was happy i saw the movie (it was a marvel movie and i’m a huge fan of marvel), but i felt sick and anxious the whole time. i wanted to cry every second.

i cant understand why i’m so pathetic like this. they’re my friends, for god sake. i shouldn’t feel nervous, yet i still am. i don’t like leaving my house in general. i just feel like an idiot, and i was wasting their time and energy. this happens all the time, therefore i never leave the house. i cant fucking handle this shit. i want this all to go away, but i’m too scared to go and ask someone for help. i need advice from you guys.

thanks for reading, it’s super long❤️💛💙