Should I tell my mother about my childhood sexual abuse?

Question

I was sexually abused for several years during childhood/early adolescence by a family member that my mother is very close to, and in many ways considers a son. The fear of breaking my family apart, or having to witness my mom defending him in some way, prevented me from ever saying anything about it. I was also confident that this had only happened to me within my family, as I was the only child placed in scenarios that would have led to this kind of abuse. Only my husband knows about this now. 
My mom’s family is incredibly close, they all live in the same town, and they’re basically best friends with each other. I am the oddball, as I’ve moved away (I’ve been gone for 12-ish years) and my relationship with my mom is rocky at best. She is narcissistic and bipolar, and generally not the most stable person. We didn’t speak much for years until I had my son, who’s almost 2 now. She has since moved closer to me and my family.
As an adult I’ve come to the realization that the abuse has caused me PTSD and I’ve had it for years, and I think discussing it with my mother will help me move past it. I do believe there will be repercussions between her and my family (around 15-20 people), which may permanently be blamed on me. Should I tell her, or should I continue to keep it to myself?

Answer

Do what’s best for you not your mum or nobody else think of you x

Answer

You should do what you need to do. Don't think about her response. If you need to tell her then you should, even if it makes problems for people. People abuse others because they know they won't tell because they don't want to make problems. That's where all their power is. If people take sides against you, the victim, then that is very sad indeed. But you can't do anything about that. But you do need to decide, if that does happen, will you emotionally be able to handle that? Is it worse to live how your living now or with your family possibly against you? I hope that doesn't happen but you should give it thought. If you do decide to tell her you can start by saying I know this is shocking and controversial, maybe you won't believe me, maybe you will blame me somehow, but.. This is what happened and I was always afraid to tell you but it's affected me so bad my whole life and I need to finally get it out.

Answer

Yes but I think you need to be prepared her response may not be what you’d like it to be at first or ever.  If you’re ok w that then definitely tell her.  If you haven’t talked over w a therapist how you’ll feel if her response is bad I’d do that first just so you’re prepared.  And I’d keep one until you feel ok after telling her this stuff.  Try to tell her when she’s not in a manic mood.  As far as the narcism I have no real advice on that.  I don’t have any close relationships w anyone narcissistic.  But remember any reprocussions w the family as a result of you telling them is not your fault.  You were a child when you were sexually abused and it was 100% not your fault.  It wouldn’t have been your fault if you were an adult when it happened either.  It’s not the person who is abused fault if it has negative repercussions for the family unity.  All you need to make sure is it won’t make your life worse for yourself or if responses are not good that you can handle it.

Answer

It all depends on how close your relationship is with your mother. If you can trust her with other things, then try to trust her with this. It could be that she saw the signs, anyway, but just brushed them off as she didn't think it was possible.
It's also hard for us to judge other people's relationships with others as an outsider. If anything, the abuse makes us see any relationship with more suspicion.

Answer

I can relate sometimes telling people you are hurt can cause more hurt telling your mom this happen may make her think she was not a good mother which is not completely true for you it is causing pain to resurface she will ask why did you not say anything before life is short and i am making assumption but these are things that will come up. Decide how u feel anbout your molester is that person still around and do you need them? How do you really want to feel is not taken advantage of to do that empower your child teach them help other mothers just because your disyant from family does not mean you are not family you know where you come from and you know where you are in life you are strong in that sense you were aware of being abuse and can still build a family of your own . be proud of yourself. I need to take this advice myself love you and your family and be grateful your mom was strong to mothers go through alot dont revist pain pandoras box is beautiful just the way it is closed.

Answer

If you feel the need to tell her then tell her when you are ready. I’m sorry to say it but these kinds of things don’t just stop, so the chances are very high that they have or will do it again to someone

Answer

It’s hard to be a victim and speak out. I was molested at a very young age. The person that did that was a relative as well. When I was at my breaking point, I screamed what happened to me to my sister. Which she then told my mother. It was never easy to explain what happened. You never know what the other person is going to say to you. You just remember that it was not your fault. If you have someone you can trust talk with them. It makes the past fade more each time. I don’t think myself a victim, I do talk to my trusted person if I feel I need to. If you talk with your mom, just have faith. I do feel you need someone to confide in that will not judge you. Someone who will listen.

Answer

I say tell her. If she reacts badly then you know where she stands. You can decide from there if you want her in your life. If she's truly trying to build a relationship with you then she will support you. If she doesn't support you then you know without a doubt she isn't the kind of person that is healthy for you or your children. 
No matter her reaction you're not at fault. And you can be at peace with where she stands. And where you stand. You shouldn't have to suffer in silence for "family unity."

Answer

This is so tough. I think what you need to ask yourself is - why do you want to tell her?  Is it because you want to protect her from family? Or do you want to tell her because you would feel like it would serve as an explanation/reason why your relationship has been rocky with her? 
If it is truly for you and your total healing - I say go for it. 
In my experience, I wanted to badly to shout it from the rooftop to my family so they would stop “blaming” me for my issues, etc. I realized tho, it wasn’t going to make me feel better. Nothing good was going to come from it. So, I decided that it was best for me to set boundaries with family and not give my reasons, think what they may. 
Does it suck sometimes? Yup. Are there times I still consider it? I sure do. I’m so glad that I chose not to each time. I feel like it the end it would hurt me more than anything. 
Take care of you above all else!

Answer

I would say tell her and take your chances. I told my grandmother whom I lived with about a person molesting and raping me. And it went badly. She didn't say anything. Then one day, my grandfather came into the living room and watched TV with me and I was thinking that was so cool because he hasn't talked to me for 4 years other than to put me down, even though we lived in the same house. Then my grandmother brought the said person back to the house. She picked him up from jail for something unrelated. Confronted both of us. I bawled. He denied. I ran into the other room to continue crying and I heard my grandfather apologizing to this person saying "I'm sorry you had to come home to this"....That hurt more than the actual years of molestation and actual rape.
But your situation may be different. It is totally up to you.

Should I tell my mother about my childhood sexual abuse?

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