Yesterday I had to deliver our sweet baby boy at 15 weeks and 6 days. I was suppose to be due December 16th. I had went to the hospital Sunday morning for some back pain and abdomen pain. They thought I just had a UTI after checking urine and bloodwork. About 5 hours later I was back in excruciating pain.. doubled over and almost passing out. I was leaking fluid all day. I didn’t realize it was my amniotic fluid (I’m a first time mom) and the doctor on call didn’t want to test it... he wanted more ultrasounds of the baby. The doctor on call finally came came to the ER and reported that I had almost no fluid left and that the ultrasound tech couldn’t find a heartbeat. He wanted one last ultrasound and when we went back, he found a heartbeat 148-150 bpm. I was transferred to a bigger hospital with more...”options”? When I got there I was ultrasounded again and I could see I had zero amniotic fluid left. Our baby still had a heartbeat. The doctor suggested either I deliver, D&C, or I could wait a few days and see if I got my fluid back. But my stomach and everything was so tender he was very concerned I was starting to get an infection and would get sick very very fast, especially because my WBC count was very high.. and the chances of my fluid coming back were very slim. We made the decision to deliver. I received an epidural at 1:00 AM and had him at 6:50 AM. I didn’t think I would be able to feel him but I could feel his tiny head and his legs and arms gush out of me. It’s all I can think about. My boyfriend and I are devastated and truly I don’t know where to go from here. I don’t know how to be okay. Everything happened so quickly and unexpectedly. My pregnancy was going perfect.. I had no issues and then now this, we lose him at 15 weeks and 6 days. They think I had a uterine infection...we don’t know the cause yet but I know they sent out a lot of swabs, my urine, and my placenta. I don’t know what will bring closure.. maybe figuring out what caused this? It feels like nothing will ever bring closure... 😔

If you’ve read this far, thank you. I needed to talk to people who understand.