Feeling really down

My mom died when I was very little and i’ve tried to cope with it but it’s so hard. I think in about 5th grade was when I started getting sad. but now I don’t feel sad I just feel numb. Like I want to sit in bed all day, I want to cry, but I can’t push the tears out. I sit in a crowd of people and feel alone. no one knows but I just wanna feel good again.