I gotta say, I’m jealous of those girls who get pregnant. I’m jealous of the ones who are addicted to drugs and get pregnant and still have a healthy baby. I’m jealous of the ravers and club goers that get pregnant by accident and drink and party through the whole pregnancy and still have a healthy baby. All I wonder is why? Why do all these seemingly terrible people get to have a beautiful healthy child, but when I tried, tried so hard and got pregnant, i had to find out I lost my son due to several birth defects at 25 weeks. I hate this. I feel so lost and upset and angry that all these women who do not deserve babies get them, but when I do everything in my power to try to have a healthy child it’s either a miscarriage, or worse, when I lost my son. I almost want to give up and just think ill never have a kid. No doctor will look at me seriously about my infertility because I’m only 21. I’m being refused tests I ask for, they say oh it’ll happen. But after 4 consecutive losses i just don’t know who to go to anymore.