Despair😔

Me and my boyfriend (I don't even know if I should call him my boyfriend anymore🙁) were trying to conceive for almost a year, month after month I kept getting negatives, he then began saying he couldn't get me pregnant, that he thinks it's him and I told him I think it's me because my periods were usually out of wack and I'd spot for up to a week before af, plus I never got any EWCM. 2 months ago we tried preseed and tracked ovulation for the 1st time, we didn't get pregnant that time either 😟 he was even more convinced that something was wrong with him, he told me he was done trying and it broke my heart to hear that, he started getting emotional and told me I should go and find someone who can get me pregnant, and hearing that broke me into a million pieces, I never put the pieces back together fully😔 I told him I loved him and we don't have to try anymore, I told him I'll be by his side no matter what, he was really emotional, it made me so sad, I calmed him down and the next day, I felt crush and defeated but he still stayed by my side, we didn't have sex anymore, I stopped tracking my period, ovulation, everything, I just didn't care anymore, I didn't want to think about it, but everyday after that was like torture, I cried and cried, I was in literal despair, I became despair itself, I blamed myself, kept telling myself I don't need a baby, I kept seeing pregnant ppl and ppl with kids all around me every day and it made me feel so bad, I tried to be happy for them and a part of me wished I could have that to and I kept trying to deny it. I kept telling myself, some ppl just can't get pregnant, I'm one of those persons and that's life and I have to learn to accept that, so my life was literal torture and hell each day. One day out of the blue, I missed him so much, I asked him if he wanted to come over, he said "idk, I have to work later" I said ok, when he got home I told him the invitation still stands and he said "idk, because I'm eating"😦 I was like that's definitely a no, if he didn't want to come I wish he'd just tell me no. I literally begged him, told him I missed him, he eventually caved in and came over, we had sex that night. The next day I checked my glow app for the 1st time in a month and saw I was ovulating in about 2 days, I was like meh, no big deal, it's not like I'll get pregnant anyway, I even noticed some EWCM. I took and ovulation test the next day and it was positive, I was like alright, it doesn't matter. Days passed by, me and my bf were still on good terms, at 9dpo I look out for spotting, because that's when it starts, then I get af 5-6 days later, I had no spotting which was weird, at 8dpo I felt some weird pressure and a lil achy feeling down there, I just thought i was just reving up to spot and for af but when I got home from work I hit the shower and I felt this gush down there, I was like, this can't be af, it's too early, it was a huge amount of milky white creamy cm with some EWCM mixed in, I checked for any spotting but didn't see any, I thought that was weird as hell because it never happened before, anyway I shoved it under the rug, the next day at 9dpo, I felt the same pressure feeling down there but it didn't last as long as the day before, after that I just kept having a lot of creamy cm with EWCM mixed in sometimes. I stopped tracking it and just went about my life, a few days ago, I noticed that I missed my period and I didn't have the pre af spotting I usually do, I told myself I had a stressful month and it's just delaying my period. During the weekend my entire household came down with gastroenteritis, I got it a few days later, mine was pretty bad, I couldn't go to work with that so decided to go to the doc, it was confirmed I had gastroenteritis to, I told the nurse my period is 7 days late and I'd like a pregnancy test to rule it out, she said ok, she got the test and I got the wee and bam! Bfp in less than 0.0005 secs, to be honest I didn't know how to feel when I saw it, of course I was happy, but I just had a bad feeling somehow😔 wanted to tell my bf the great news but I wanted to tell him in person and not over the phone, but he's been pretty busy and I know I probably won't see him for a while and I couldn't wait that long so at night that same day when he msged me to tell me he got home, I sent him a pic of the test and told him I went to the doc today and I'm 6 weeks pregnant... And he said " But we only had sex one time last month So how can you be 6 weeks... " My last period was may 23rd 2019 and I have a 34 day cycle. I ovulated a few days after we had sex or probably the day after. I tried to explain to him that it counts from the first day of the last period and all he said was "ok" And that's it...and I just feel like jumping off a cliff or in a deep ditch somewhere. Idk how to feel, what to think or what to do, I'm just a mess. Despair has won again😭😣😔