Everything Bad Happens at Once

I’m going to write this as a bit of therapy for myself, to vent and breathe a little. I am not a religious person, but I’m starting to drown in the overwhelming amount of pain and negativity going on in my life, I just need something to believe in. I want to believe that this is a part of God’s plan, I want to believe that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel, but as it stands all I can see is pain. Currently, my mom is dying. She has brain cancer and was given a year to live 6 months ago. I found her almost dead on the floor, but was able to revive her and get the ambulance fast enough that she was brought back to life. Watching her mind change, and regress back into a child like state has been extremely trying. Brain cancer eats away at the brain almost like alzheimer's. She is extremely emotional, and any little thing tips her to a breaking point where she screams, kicks, cries, and says terrible things. While all of this is going on, I am expecting my first baby. A little boy who really is the only good thing in my life right now. I am due any day now, and don’t know how I am going to cope taking care of my very ill mother and a newborn. I’ve never even held a newborn before, I am so scared. I do have my husband, but recently we have been forced to separate because of his drinking problems. I had to call the police on him because he came home drunk, and was acting crazy. The police put a mandatory restraining order on us, so he isn’t allowed home until after he completes an AA and NA program. This means he will not be allowed home to help me with our son for the first month at least, and I am all alone taking care of a newborn and my mother. My Husband may have drinking problems, but he is my backbone and my support, he is the one I go to when I’m having a rough day, the one who holds me up when I am down. I am now so alone, so scared, and so so tired. If god is real, why would he put me through so much pain in such a short amount of time? Nothing good has happened in the past six months. It’s all just been hurt. I feel like I’m trying to claw my way out of a hole that keeps caving in. I doubt anyone would read all of this, but if you do, please don’t say anything mean. I’m just trying to find my way to peace. It’s a good reminder to count your blessings and not take life for granted, I know I did before, and now I’m here.