I have anxiety and depression and I’m 14, it literally is my worst nightmare

I worry about the dumbest things ever and I keep myself up from sleeping it sucks i don’t have any friends because I chase them all away with the things I say

Some days I’ll get so upset and say “I really just want to die” or “I hate life I wanna just overdose” and I can’t control it it’s what I want to do at the moment

I can’t afford a therapist because they can be pricey 😞

I tried talking with my doctor and she prescribed me pills but I flushed them after getting severe thoughts of wanting to overdose I “thought” I was doing what was better but nope...

I don’t have a trusted adult to talk to because I’m very shy and don’t talk to anyone

I do have SH scars which scare everyone a lot and I get asked a lot 😞

I just idk what to do I can’t live life like this I’m wasting it away slowly..

I worry about a big earth quake

Me getting cancer

Me dying soon

And things like everyone hates me

Any tips?