I haven’t updated on here in while, but ladies, I need some advice.

I apologize for the long post.

Here’s an update on my life thus far:

Over the last 3 1/2 years, I’ve dumped my previous boyfriend, (he cheated on me), met someone new, getting married, and we have a beautiful 5 month old son together named Hakeem.

We both have financial issues, (I lost my job a few months ago, so I’m in job drought) so we live with our parents. I know it seems a bit odd that I’m 22 years old, still living with my mom, but I digress.

My mother and I, don’t have the best relationship; neither do my siblings. My mother is bipolar schizophrenic, with multiple personality disorder with violent tendencies. Does this cause the things that she has done? I’m not sure.

Although my siblings and I are pretty much sheltered kids, she’s accused me and my siblings of doing some crazy shit in the past, like me supposedly sleeping with her now ex-husband, calling my siblings and I crackheads, desperate for someone to like love us and approval, and so on.

I disregard all of that, because God gave us her as a mother for a reason, and I’ll always love her regardless. I’ll do whatever she asks me to do, because I live with her, and I want to see her happy. She’s made sacrifices for me and my siblings, and I’d do the same for her.

Ever since my son was born, and since she’s been in new relationship, our bond has been stronger, and I’ve become more open with her; (I wasn’t very open to her in the past, because my words were often used against me; she did the same to my siblings too.)

Just last night, my mother in law invited me to a family picnic, which I was happy to be a part of. However, since last night, my mother has been keeping her distance from me. I wished her a good morning, and she was very curt about it. I asked what was wrong, and she said, “Nothing.”

I went to ask my older sister, who told me that she was upset that I wasn’t paying any bills in her household, my parenting skills, my fiancé and his family, and me doing things I’m not supposed to be doing (which I’m completely unsure about.)

It hurts a bit more than it should’ve because I’ve always asked her for advice when it came to my parenting skills, life choices, and if I’m being a good mom to my son. She told me that my main focus should be my son, which he always is.

She often insisted that I didn’t need to work, and I should be a full-time, hands on mother to my son. When I applied for jobs, and let her know joyous news, she’d often tell me that the rent will become higher due to increased income if I were to work, and she didn’t want to end up losing her house; so I respected her wishes.

I’m just starting to feel unwanted, honestly. I just wish she’d tell me how she felt, instead of telling my other siblings; it stings more that way.

I’m also a bit annoyed (I apologize if this sounds childish) because her new boyfriend doesn’t work at all, he cooks and wastes my mother’s food, takes money from her constantly, and she doesn’t bash him like she does me or my siblings. She vents to him about us quite often if we do something that she doesn’t see good in her eyes.

I didn’t even want to write a post about it, but my mother isn’t talking to me.