Pls read it all. Ok so I'm 18 n my bf is 21 n we have a 2 month old n in November were gonna be 3 years together. So before I had my baby we were always on n off n it was so toxic I met him at a club n he was my first real bf. He had been with alot of girls before he said the oldest was like a 30 yr old n he was 15 lol. But anyways he wasnt my first to have sex w but I've only done it with like 3 guys n he had more. but everytime we would end he would go with girls n his friends n go do cocaine n get drunk at bars n stuff n then come crying to my house n I would feel bad n take him back. Hes from Mexico I'm from USA so idk I felt bad because he didnt have anyone here. I got pregnant in August n everything was going good then he started being toxic again. Well we both are toxic. And he hit me n stuff during my pregnancy n he still does just yesterday he hit me now I have a bump on my head n a bruise on my chin. We fight over dumb stuff mostly because were both jealous people n we dont trust each other because everytime we ended we would go be hoes n so he thinks I'm talking to guys I used to talk to n I'm just jealous over anything I dont trust him. I try to stop being like that but I cant I was never like this before. I did have a bf before him but it wasnt this long and serious like this relationship. But my ex never controlled me or anything so I was never like this with him. If my current bf hits me I will hit him back n we just keep fighting punching each other. He told me he has never hit anyone before because he never had a serious relationship either. After we fight n everything calms down he says he loves me n I tell him this is not love if u love someone u dont hit them. N I tell him we should just end this we look dumb it's been almost 3 years n nothing has changed even with a baby we r still the same n he says just act good n everything will be ok. I feel bad for my baby because I cant change for her but I love her alot I dont want her to see us fighting. Idk why I cant leave him when he does leave I miss him then when I start to forget him he comes back n I forgive him n it starts again the same thing or if he starts to forget me I go look for him. Idk what to do honestly it's like I know I'm stupid and I know I'm doing wrong but I cant change n I cant leave him even though I know it's a toxic relationship. I feel like if I end things ima miss him n i dont wanna see him with any one else ima get jealous n I feel like I just wasted my time n I wanted things to work out for my baby.... I tell him he should just go back to Mexico he says he doesnt like USA so I tell him go back to Mexico why did u come but he came Illegaly to make money here n says he will leave when he gets money to fix his house back in mexico. please not hate because I know I'm doing wrong. :( it's not even that I love him it's just that I dont wanna fell alone when I leave him. That's the problem. I have alot of family n friends n my baby n God but I still feel alone n I got used to being with someone everyday idk how to go back to being single n alone.

Update:do yall think I can fix this relationship and we can change. I wanted yo go to church because I know that always makes me feel better but he doesnt believe in God n it annoys me but I cant force him to he believe in some lady idk what shes called in English but shes like brings death or something shes in all black n has like a axe or idk. But idk I wanna fix things I feel like we can but idk.

No I was 16 n he was 18 he just turned 21